Jesus told Peter, "Come forth and ye shall have eternal life"
But Peter came fifth and won a toaster
Peter Brown the world famous hairdresser told his son, that he's leaving him nothing in his will....
I can't believe he's cutting off his own heir.
What did Peter Andre say to the waitress at Oktoberfest?
Just give me some kind of stein girl.
Peter Parker lost his photographer job at the Daily Bugle
Now he works in web development.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
If Spiderman's secret identity is Peter Parker, what's his dog's secret identity?
My friend Peter keeps saying the same things over again.
So I nicknamed him Re-Peter.
I never knew that Peter Sellers was a tank driver for Germany during WW2.
Apparently, it was a pink panzer.
What did Jesus say to Peter when he was put up on the Cross?
Yo, I can see your house from up here
Why does Peter Pan always fly?
Because he can neverland.
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
Despite being famous for flying, why did Peter Pan make for a terrible pilot?
Zuul asks Peter Venkman if he wants to wreck up a city and toast marshmallows in the flames.
Venkman says, "Nah, I'm not a big marshmallow guy."
How did Captain Hook fight Peter Pan & the lost boys?
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
Every week, at a comedy club I tell a joke about Peter Pan and nobody laughs.
Peter Dinklage turned 51 today.
It's been fun watching Dinkl age.
Peter Pan Puns
I came up with two today, be warned they are punishing.
Why are the Lost Boys so poor?
It's because they can Never Land a job.
How did Peter Pan get so fat?
He keeps eating out at Wendy's.
I heard that Marvel is now sponsoring Uncle Ben's rice and changing the picture to Peter Parker's uncle.
The new slogan is "With great power comes great rice possibilities."
Why couldn't Peter Pan ever be a comedian?
Because his jokes Neverland :D
I’m always robbing Peter to pay Paul.
That makes me a re-Pete offender
Why is Peter Pan Always Flying ?
Talking about Peter Pan when my 14 y/o daughter says, "Captain Hook is single-handedly my favorite Disney villain."
My cousin Elle got married to Menno Peters; so now I call them the alphabet couple...
...
Elle & Menno P.
...
If they ever have kids, I'm lobbying hard for Jake and Kay.
At the pearly gates, Saint Peter asks new arrivals what they did for a living...
The first person says “I was a doctor, I saved lives.” St. Peter lets him in.
The second person says “I was a teacher, I educated and inspired hundreds of children”. St Peter lets him in.
The third says “I was a musician, I brought joy and beautiful music to many people.”
St. Peter says “ok, but you’ll have to go around back and come in through the kitchen.”
I tried to sell my old Peter Sellers DVDs the other day but failed to get the price I was asking
It was not a Sellers market
What did the gunpowder say to his friend peter?
I bumped into my very short mate Peter down the pub. He told a few hilarious stories about the flatbread factory he works in.
I love the pitta patter of tiny Pete
I heard Peter Dinklage got his pocket picked last week.
I mean, who would stoop so low?
Why does Peter Pan fly? Because he Neverlands.
I love this joke. It never grows old.
Have you heard about the guy named Peter getting a death sentence by canon?
I can tell you he was canonized.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Why is Peter pan always flying?
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
I’m always robbing Peter to pay Paul.
I guess that makes me a re-Pete offender.
Sorry if you’re a-Pauled.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Why is peter pan always flying?
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
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