I've been trying out some new knitting patterns, but I think my yarn is too thin
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︎ Oct 04 2020
I just gave a sick burn to a load of hedges shaped into a pattern.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.
This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, βThe Colour of Magicβ, Prologue.
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︎ Sep 03 2020
I thought the pattern on my coffee mug was defective...
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︎ Nov 20 2019
"Ho, ho, ho," the jolly bastard mused, unaware I'd been slinking in the shadows for days, ready to unleash my revenge. I'd memorized his patterns, followed his every move, and had set the perfect trap. Down the chimney, ensnared by my noose, and left hanging above the fireplace; I got what I wanted.
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︎ Mar 05 2020
So the Norwegian Navy is painting their ships with a bar code pattern
So when then come into port, they can Scandanavian
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︎ Feb 03 2020
My smartphone tracks my cat's sleep patterns.
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︎ Oct 19 2019
My son has recently been starting to suffer from early male pattern baldness, like I did at his age.
I think itβs haireditery.
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︎ Aug 26 2019
How do sea animals forecast current patterns?
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︎ Mar 31 2019
When geese and ducks fly in a v-pattern, do you know why one side is almost always longer than the other?
Because there are more birds on that side.
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︎ Oct 08 2018
After years of studying the flight patterns of ducks, scientists finally determined why one side of the "V" is always longer than the other.
There are more ducks on that side.
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︎ Dec 16 2018
If you rake a leaf pattern, you leave a rake pattern.
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︎ Nov 13 2017
Coughing in a pattern is basically dropping a sick beat.
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︎ Mar 08 2018
What do you call a vegetable in a particular red white and blue pattern
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︎ Jul 17 2018
In a certain part of Africa, the migratory pattern of lions heralds the changing of seasons
The people say that the lions come at the end of August with such regularity, they can begin to prepare for winter on the day they arrive. After all, The Pride comes before the fall.
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︎ Oct 20 2016
Paisley is such an ugly pattern
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︎ Sep 03 2014
Dad and I were discussing the migration patterns of loons....
Dad - You know why you always see loons by themselves?
Me - Territori.....
Dad - Because if there were more than one, they would not be a-loon
-_-
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︎ Aug 03 2015
What do you call it when the crew of the starship enterprise enters a massive, destructive weather pattern?
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︎ Jun 05 2018
What's the next part of the pattern?
Cat 1
Cat 2
Cat 3
Cat 4
What comes next?
Ethernet
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︎ Dec 25 2015
My Mother: This hat pattern looks easier than the other one....
Me: Itβs sew easy!
My Husband: Itβs not very sewphisticated!...Do my puns have you in stitches? Iβm laughing so hard Iβm bobbin my head back and forth.
My Dad: Are you starting to see a pattern here?
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︎ Jan 03 2015
My Wife said she drew her friend a quilting pattern she asked for...
But I told her winners never quilt.
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︎ Jul 28 2015
Fell into a generational dad joke pattern
My dad passed recently. He was the king of the silly sayings.
Was taking my grandson to go ice skating. We were running late and caught myself saying "We're off, like a herd of turtles!". Something my dad used to say ALL the time. Made me nostalgic...
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︎ Jan 06 2014
Professor asked if anyone knew what "home-range" was in reference to dolphin migratory patterns.
Me: It's Kansas State song.
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︎ Feb 11 2014
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