Since it's International Women's Day, I'd like to point out some inequality: If my wife wears nothing but one of my t-shirts it's cute, but if I wear nothing but one of her t-shirts...

...I have to leave Home Depot.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mkrjoe
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DontFuckWithMyMoney
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Dad jokes at work

Our intern was telling a story about how her roommate came home drunk from a party with a random cat. She found out the next day her roommate had stolen it from their neighbor.

My response- "So one might call her a cat burglar?"

Everyone walked away...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/whycantwejust
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 24 2015
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My dad teaching us financial responsibility

Years ago my parents sent my sister to England for a summer camp/study trip. Whenever we would call her we'd all gather around the speakerphone and talk briefly since international phone calls were expensive back then. One day we call her and my sister tells my dad that she has 6 more days of camp left and she is down to her last pound (dollar). There is a long awkward pause. Then my sister ask: Dad, what should I do? To which my dad responds: Spend it wisely...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cabrilo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
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