Last night, taking a walk on the beach... Came across a police car stuck in the sand about 3 feet from the water...I asked the driver what happened...

He said the police were expecting a crime wave

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrangeJeepWdw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What did one video call tell to another on the beach?

Can you share the screen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/summingitup
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
2 pebbles washes up on the beach. One says to the other, "Are you married?"

Other replies, "No, I'm shingle."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I was on the beach and got hit by a massive wave of cake

It was a tiramisunami

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chubwhump
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I found a load of batteries washed up on the beach.

I was collecting C Cells on the sea shore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a vengeful Australian spell caster who lives on the beach?

A vege-smite sand witch!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rivethart
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
At the beach, opposite the life guard, a man sleeps on a towel, adjacent an unopened umbrella.

When he wakes up, he's going to be a tan gent.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My son didn't like sharp stones on the seafloor at the beach

He couldn't stand it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatdoginapan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I have three different levels of tan on me. One level is my arms and legs from wearing a shirt and shorts. The next level is from not wearing a shirt at the beach. And the last is under my shorts.

I’m neapoliTAN!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Bored-biker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s tiny and can be found on the beach?

A Microwave.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain_Jorik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDue to the rising number of dolphin attacks, we’ve had to outlaw any overnight camping on the beach.”

β€œWe hope the new rule will help, for all in tents and porpoises.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/okaypuck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
We found a dolphin skeleton on the beach, so we ground the bones to make some bread...

It was all-porpoise flour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
We drove to California and had a picnic on the beach. Had a great time, even though our waffles fell on the ground.

I'll always remember that sandy Eggo trip.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw a bunch of crows wash up on the beach

Must've been murder suicide

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to search for clams on the beach

But then I pulled a mussel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reditt_username
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My good friend drowned while at the beach last month. I tearfully placed a life preserver on his coffin at the funeral.

It's what he would've wanted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rogue-_-robot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What Star Wars character lives on the beach?

Sando Calrissian

Courtesy of my 11 year old brother. He came up with a pretty clever dad joke

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Killer_Queen394
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?

Because they might peel!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at the beach today and there was a group of pelicans not doing anything. I concentrated hard on one pelican and suddenly if flew out to the water, snagged a fish in his bill and flew back to shore. "Wow", I thought to myself..

Pelikinesis is a real thing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SchitzPopinov719
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A pod of porpoises moved into the harbor near my town. So, me and my friends decided to go camping on the beach to check it out. We brought beer for us and some raw fish to feed the pod. Everybody had a great time. You could say it was a party

for all in tents and porpoises.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
You can bet on firemen at the beach.

It's a shore-fire thing.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aiandi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I went on a trip to Cuba to stay at a few different places. By the end of week 2, we were walking barefoot across a beach, nearly dying of thirst and exhausted. We were wondering if we'd make it home, until I spotted a server holding some drinks. We sprinted towards her and drank both.

It was out last resort.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSulley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?

The book of psalms trees

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vrek86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call waffles on the beach

Sandy-egos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skycraft-ak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter and I were playing on the beach today when I picked up her small bucket and stared at it for a long time. Puzzled, she asked, "Daddy, what're you doing!!?" Sounding concerned, I said, "Your bucket is sick!"

Surprised, she asked, "How do you know?"

I replied, "Well, it's a little pail!"

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do elephants hate running on the beach?

Because they can't keep their trunks up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kytothelee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My family drove past the highest point in Florida on our way to the beach...

The trip was all downhill from there

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daniel_Day_Tiger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?

A beach blond

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Christopher1295
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
The was a huge dress-up party on the beach

On my way down I saw a naked man with a naked woman on his back. I asked him β€œWhat are you dressing up as” He said β€œ I’m going as a turtle” I asked β€œso then who’s hat on your back” he replied β€œ Michelle”.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Found a shell on the beach
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/werdwar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2017
🚨︎ report
I saw an upset crustacean on the beach yesterday...

He was looking pretty crabby.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morighant
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
🚨︎ report
If you're in SoCal dont drop your toaster waffle on the beach...

Or you'll have a sandy Eggo in San Diego

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnychr0n
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
🚨︎ report
I know it's boring to shop for vacuum cleaners, son, but remember, the Beach Boys had the same difficulty while deciding on a brand for their own personal vacuum cleaner. I can remember their words now...

"A Roomba? Makita? Ooooh! I want Eureka!"

He avoided me for the rest of the day.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/someauthor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you call a dog on the beach?

A hotdog.

badum tsst

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dacoster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Cute Brazilian Ass on the beach
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elitistmachine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
🚨︎ report
I hate trash on the beach.

I mean, it's literal littoral litter.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mccapitation
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
🚨︎ report
What is it called when you smoke weed on the beach with an Asian dude?

High Thai-de

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4jakers18
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?

Because they might peel!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?

Because they might peel!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?

Because they might peel!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?

Because they might peel!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?

Because they might peel!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a witch on the beach...

A sandwich

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HaHa6798
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why should you not eat waffles on the beach in California?

Because you'll end up with a sandy eggo.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaucySpaghet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
If you drop your waffle on the beach in San Diego...

You have a sandy eggo in San Diego.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/armyjackson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
🚨︎ report

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