So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
We agreed to paint our chests to read "FOOTBALL" as we sat in the stands. But two of my pals, the first and second "O", didn't show up. And our team lost! I really should've expected that outcome. My absent friends were the bad o-men.
Daughter's 10 birthday party. Her friends are talking about eating snails...
Me: "Hey, do you think that snails want to buy cars with a big "S" on the side?"
7 little girls: "Why would they do that?"
Me: "so when they drive past, people say 'look at at that S-car go!'"
I watched 14 eyes roll simultaneously and loved every minute of it!
She had left the room and I moved her wine glass to make room for folding laundry. She returned and asked, "Where'd my glass go?" So I gave my slyest wink and said, "Scotland?" ...She thought that was so hilarious and awesome she *showered me with sweet love late into the night. *(or she groaned and rolled her eyes and we folded laundry while watching Seinfeld reruns)
answering a question on Jeopardy
Me: What are dates?
Me: farts
Wife: That's gross.
Me: Yeah, I don't like dates either.
I said, "Dad, can I ask you a question?" Without a second's hesitation, "Sure. You just did."
