You know your getting old

When all you have to do to hurt yourself is wake up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaywise317
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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I'm getting to be a typical old man. My kid brings her friends around and log on with their phones.

Get off my LAN!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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I'm having trouble getting rid of my old magazines.

I have issues.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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You know you're getting old when...

You go from hip-hopping, to hip popping.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bdemi6
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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You know you are getting old...

...when your back goes out more than you do.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly

... so I bought a seal iron

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnolife
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

πŸ‘︎ 26k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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Got this from my 7 yr old this morning while he was getting in the car and didn’t get the door closed completely.

When is a door also a good container? When it’s ajar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/channabanana01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Every morning when I am done getting my 2 year old ready for school I call her a Canadian potato chip.

Because she’s all dressed.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zman11588
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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My piggy bank is getting super old...

I may have to change it out.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poiuy03
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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It's getting old.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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WWII Russian jokes are getting old

They just don’t stop coming

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/speedoc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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My dad is getting too old for a medicine cabinet.

Now he has a drug attic

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RDS327
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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I'm getting old, and my kids had to send me away.

Now it seems that its a parently care center.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avohka
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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This snow is getting old
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sadlilslugger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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Good thing getting old isn’t a tradition

Cause it would die out quickly

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rFireforce
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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Getting Old

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, β€œSometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.”

The second lady chimed in, β€œYes, some times I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.”

The third one responded, ” Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem; knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them β€œThat must be the door, I’ll get it!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Bernie Sanders is getting old,

First with the heart attack and now with the strokes

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guitar_Strap
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
All the beginning of a decade/end of a decade memes are getting old.

I mean, they are so last year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeoshua82
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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In Australia they prank call old people and just say OK boomer and hang up. It’s getting so popular it has a name…

Boomer rang

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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Since my cat is getting old, I'm gonna start calling him by a new name

GrandPAW

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kittycaviar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The jokes about anti-vaxxers are getting old.

Unlike their kids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whattajosh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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Wife: The Backstreet Boys are really getting old.

Me: Are the Backstreet's backs alright?

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marcato5
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time.
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moriarty_Qbi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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My 7yr old son is getting a jump start on being a dad

We were parking and I read the street sweeper sign out loud

Me: Monday 930-11am

Son: it's Thursday

Me: ya I know I was just reading the sign

Son: I was talking to the sign, not you

Me: signs don't speak English

Son: I know, they speak sign language.

Edit: My lazy ass logged in and fixed the formatting.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JJTG64
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2015
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I’m getting ready for a good old shindig.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaggotFace
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I told the family we seriously need to consider getting a mini-van, and my 4-year-old-son was very upset.

Instead, he insisted we buy a Mickey van.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LongneckBottles
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm getting so old. When I was a kid they said Dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago.

Now they say it's been 66 million years.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myquealer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
All these glue jokes are getting old and repetitive.

Can’t we just stick to the classics?

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefanopolis
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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My 12 year old, after getting back from California:

12 y/o: we saw Will Smith at a coffee shop!

Me: Woah, that’s awesome!

Her: guess what he was drinking

Me: what?

Her: French Press of Bel-Air!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zachpledger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked me: "Can I have a bookmark?" I instantly bursted into tears. for more than 2 years, people are still saying this joke. It's getting too old...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AahhThatsHot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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How can you tell that you are getting old?

You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dj_techguy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
🚨︎ report
I was on the toilet for so long the other day that I thought to myself, "I'm getting too old for this shit."
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2018
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I'm getting old

Popped one on my daughters today, received with blank stares.

I was passing a large piece of scrambled egg over.

Egg crumbles and falls off the fork.

Daughter:argh it fell off!

Me: yeah it had poor int.egg.rity

#Tumbleweed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phunkygeeza
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend told me my dad jokes were getting old.

I told him, "That makes them grandpa jokes!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oogaman110
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
🚨︎ report
My ten-year-old son: Dad, did you hear about the barn party after midnight that was getting out of hand?...

... Finally the sheep yells, stop horsing around, I’m trying to sheep. - Love this kid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TRipley1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Please help! This sub is getting old!

https://imgur.com/gallery/PA1hR

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/USAneedsAJohnson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
🚨︎ report
I think I'm getting old.

http://i.imgur.com/SLQIbZg.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Call_me_Tomcat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2017
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You know you're getting old when...

...you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Do you know how you can tell Niagara Falls is getting old?

It has a receding water line.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironandtwine9
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad always said, "There are two ways you know you're getting old. First, you start to forget things."

I can never remember the second one.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/charina91
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2015
🚨︎ report
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/josefcvs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report

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