You know your getting old
When all you have to do to hurt yourself is wake up.
I'm getting to be a typical old man. My kid brings her friends around and log on with their phones.
I'm having trouble getting rid of my old magazines.
You know you're getting old when...
You go from hip-hopping, to hip popping.
You know you are getting old...
...when your back goes out more than you do.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
... so I bought a seal iron
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
Got this from my 7 yr old this morning while he was getting in the car and didn’t get the door closed completely.
When is a door also a good container?
When it’s ajar.
Every morning when I am done getting my 2 year old ready for school I call her a Canadian potato chip.
Because she’s all dressed.
My piggy bank is getting super old...
I may have to change it out.
WWII Russian jokes are getting old
They just don’t stop coming
My dad is getting too old for a medicine cabinet.
I'm getting old, and my kids had to send me away.
Now it seems that its a parently care center.
Good thing getting old isn’t a tradition
Cause it would die out quickly
Getting Old
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.”
The second lady chimed in, “Yes, some times I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.”
The third one responded, ” Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem; knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them “That must be the door, I’ll get it!”
Bernie Sanders is getting old,
First with the heart attack and now with the strokes
All the beginning of a decade/end of a decade memes are getting old.
I mean, they are so last year.
In Australia they prank call old people and just say OK boomer and hang up. It’s getting so popular it has a name…
Since my cat is getting old, I'm gonna start calling him by a new name
The jokes about anti-vaxxers are getting old.
Wife: The Backstreet Boys are really getting old.
Me: Are the Backstreet's backs alright?
This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time.
My 7yr old son is getting a jump start on being a dad
We were parking and I read the street sweeper sign out loud
Me: Monday 930-11am
Son: it's Thursday
Me: ya I know I was just reading the sign
Son: I was talking to the sign, not you
Me: signs don't speak English
Son: I know, they speak sign language.
Edit: My lazy ass logged in and fixed the formatting.
I’m getting ready for a good old shindig.
I told the family we seriously need to consider getting a mini-van, and my 4-year-old-son was very upset.
Instead, he insisted we buy a Mickey van.
I'm getting so old. When I was a kid they said Dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago.
Now they say it's been 66 million years.
All these glue jokes are getting old and repetitive.
Can’t we just stick to the classics?
My 12 year old, after getting back from California:
12 y/o: we saw Will Smith at a coffee shop!
Me: Woah, that’s awesome!
Her: guess what he was drinking
Me: what?
Her: French Press of Bel-Air!
Today, my son asked me: "Can I have a bookmark?" I instantly bursted into tears. for more than 2 years, people are still saying this joke. It's getting too old...
How can you tell that you are getting old?
You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
I was on the toilet for so long the other day that I thought to myself, "I'm getting too old for this shit."
I'm getting old
Popped one on my daughters today, received with blank stares.
I was passing a large piece of scrambled egg over.
Egg crumbles and falls off the fork.
Daughter:argh it fell off!
Me: yeah it had poor int.egg.rity
#Tumbleweed
My friend told me my dad jokes were getting old.
I told him, "That makes them grandpa jokes!"
My ten-year-old son: Dad, did you hear about the barn party after midnight that was getting out of hand?...
... Finally the sheep yells, stop horsing around, I’m trying to sheep. - Love this kid.
Please help! This sub is getting old!
https://imgur.com/gallery/PA1hR
I think I'm getting old.
http://i.imgur.com/SLQIbZg.jpg
You know you're getting old when...
...you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Do you know how you can tell Niagara Falls is getting old?
It has a receding water line.
My dad always said, "There are two ways you know you're getting old. First, you start to forget things."
I can never remember the second one.
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time.
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