This is the new number pun.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goddoctor504
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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Number Pun

So my friend said he had a test with 17 questions on it. I responded, that's a odd number of questions on a test.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AppropriateTomato
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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How do you make the number one disappear?

You add "g" and it's GONE

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssr0203
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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My daughter is learning how to write numbers...

She said to my wife, β€œMommy, I don’t remember how to do a 2.”

So I yelled out, β€œYou just sit on the potty and push!”

They both ignored me. So now you all get to appreciate my joke instead.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zamundan
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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Today, I practiced adding numbers inside of a poorly lit Chinese restaurant.

I ended up with dim sum.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
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A hypnotist once convinced me that I was a soft malleable metal with the atomic number of 82.

I am easily lead.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
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There was a guy I used to work with who was big on numbers

Now I understand why; his name was Matthew.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asadleafsfan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
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Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?

Crew: I I Captain.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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I went to a warehouse that held replacement keyboard keys. Huge bins overflowing with letters, numbers, function keys, boxes blocking the aisles full of arrows, and Windows and Apple keys. Space bars everywhere!

They were out of Control.

Luckily I found an Escape.

I got Home eventually.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phelyan
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
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I feel really good when I read through the peoples names and phone numbers stored in my phone...

I love a good Contact high.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
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Numbers, bro…
πŸ‘︎ 658
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaiswPlays05
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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2 is the only prime number that is even.

That makes 2 really odd.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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In kindergarten, my son had a pop quiz on numbers. He got ten wrong.

but he did okay with one through nine.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelodicSasquatch
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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What’s the highest number in the world?

420

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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How do you make the number two disappear?

You flush it πŸ₯΄

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Scogetos
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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Why do oven instructions always have a nice round number like 400 instead of a random one 20 degrees hotter?

420 is too high.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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A number kept moving around on my Excel spreadsheet

I found out it was a Roamin' Numeral

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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My girlfriend from college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.

I wonder what she’s up to now.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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TIL about the number one cause of divorce in America.

Marriage.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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What is the number one reason for dry skin

Its a towel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Autismos12345
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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If you have two heads, that's both an odd and even number
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iron_Eagl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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How does a farmer reduce the number of cows?

He switches to decafe!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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The number of people older than you....

Will always decrease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Why are 0 and 1 the only numbers with genders?

All the others are non-binary

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheble003
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I knew a girl who could only add odd numbers

She literally could not even

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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There was an explosion at the numbers factory

The tragic aftermath: 9 wounded, 15 decreased.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FeelTheQuickening
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Why do teens only group in odd numbers?

Because they can’t even.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingi0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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I was super surprised when the cashier wouldn’t give me her number.

I could’ve sworn she was checking me out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RagamuffinDangles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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Number wars, a dad joke story.

6 couldn't believe it. 7 had finally gone off the deep end. 7 had long offended 6. A repeat 6 offender if you will. But this was unforgivable. 9 was his best friend. How could he do this to his best friend? How could it be that 7 ate 9?

6, filled with fury, called his friends 2 and 4. They would get even. 10 was the best friend of 7 you see. 2, 4 and 6 ate 10 to get even. They then began plotting further revenge, but 7 acted first. He gathered 1, 3 and 5 together to take down 6.

Realizing that the odds were against them, 2, 4 and 6 retreated. Their only option was to turn to 12 who had twice the resources 6 had. 7 couldn't follow.

12 quickly called 3 to find out what the root of 7's attack on 9. 3 wasn't sure. He had only supported 7 because of a long standing friendship. But 3 promised to get to the root cause.

Meanwhile, 7's scheming was not yet done. 12 was powerful, but there was one who could reverse his decision to harbor 6. If he could just convince 21, nicknamed blackjack, to reverse 12's decision, it would all be over.

Three times 7 went to 21's compound. On the third try he was able to get through. After explaining that 6 had masterminded the elimination of 10, a grand meeting of the numbers was called.

Both 6 and 7 argued over the whole thing. 13 had the unlucky task of adjudicating the meeting. Each time 13 made an argument, 6 and 7 would add to it by shouting over each other.

Finally, 21 had had enough. "7, why did you eat 9"

7 responded "I just wanted to get 3 square meals." 21 had 7 eliminated for initiating the battle and 6 jailed for masterminding 10's death. And the war was over.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.

At least for the four-seeable future.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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There was a man who despised negative numbers...

He’ll stop at NOTHING to avoid them!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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Someone really did a number on the office bathroom.

I got really upset until I realized I work from home and I am the only one home.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoldaHolda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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Why did NASA use numbers instead of letters for the Apollo series?

Because if Apollo-F crashed, they’d have to make an Apollo-G.

πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colevanders
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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My friend Earl has a wife that is a bit obsessive about finding the total number of things in her everyday life...

She's a countess.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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Man at the theatre asks the usher: β€œwhat’s my seat number?”

Usher responds: β€œ10-Q”

Man responds: β€œYou’re welcome. Now what’s my seat number?”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
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I handed my son his pencil, he said "that's my number 2"

I asked him "where's your number 1?"

He said "in the toilet"

I'm so proud!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XandrosUM
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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What’s the most relaxed number?

A chillion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Mr-Pixel-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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If 666 is the number of the beast, what’s 668?

The neighbor of the beast...

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geaster
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kattykat21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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How do you make the number 'one' disappear?

You add a G and it's gone

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WithOurHandsTied
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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How do you make the number one disappear?

You add "g" and it's GONE.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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How do you make the number one disappear

You add a g and it's GONE

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeytherealking
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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How do you make the number one disappear?

You just add G and it’s gone .

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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I am terrified of negative numbers...

I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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I hate negative numbers in math.

I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chairlegnumber4
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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