I told the guy at the smoothie shop that he accidentally gave me the protein smoothie instead of the normal one.

He said no, there’s no whey.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Itor_Md_
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop in your pants, but he’s not buying it. In fact...

He’s still making fun of me...

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Some people think that adding the letter "s" to inane is normal.

That's just insane!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Not your normal format, but I have to share as I am pretty proud

For context I work in a prison as a nurse. The other nurses were looking up charges for one of the inmates and hes in for capital murder. One of the nurses asks, "Whats the difference between capital murder and just murder anyway?" to which I was quick to say "usually a bigger M"

I guess Ive been a dad too long now that it comes natural

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/proygratoke
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Normal cat .....Meow...

Texan cat...... Meowdy...

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
When you said life would go back to normal after June...

Julyed.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/streety22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don’t you ever see normal houses at night?

Because they turn into warehouses

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie,” he says, β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a normal saw and a saw for children?

The one for children has baby teeth

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eduardboon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?

Shear size

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CascadePSA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I want the normal one too! (Op u/ItsSrikerOMG)
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderMuffin16
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
We should raise the Lego bricks and help them to a normal Level of Respect!

They have been stepped on for far too long.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A_German_Memer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just started up a dating site for chickens. It's not my normal day job, I'm just doing it…

…to make hens meet.

πŸ‘︎ 287
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Mom: Put a pair of normal shorts on.

Son: No I don’t like ghosts.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Braden-Morley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...

They're fairyfocals.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My 11yr old son just now: When does a normal joke become a dad joke?

Me: uh, when?

Son: When it’s apparent.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bolting-hutch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
You know that air that is generated by helicopter rotors when they are spinning really fast? Did you know that it’s not normal air?

It’s helicopt-air

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/melanthius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't tolerate people with less than normal toes.

I'm lactose intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mukundan_chariar
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Normal is just the same as average...

So if thats true then depending on where you are you would be of an average race, have average hair, etc.

And going down from that, alot of people have the same name, making certain names normal or "average".

What im saying is, thats a really complicated way to find the average Joe.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superdolmiosauce
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Just a normal workout
πŸ‘︎ 595
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to buy the world's most haunted house. I toured it, but it seemed like a normal house...

Nothing jumped out at me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call just one, normal potato?

a Commontater.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GawdFro
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought this was a normal comment then I read the end.....
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-EpsilonDelta-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to have a calendar that was normal except September 11 was made of sandpaper.

That was a rough day.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Is it normal for a Jedi to scale walls and obstacles with ease?

Yes, it’s parkour the force.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad, you have to talk normal and stop speaking in single letters. Can’t you see I’m going crazy?!

O I C U R

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shimmywaffles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt

I'll be going as a Casualty

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rewind44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A recent study found out how much sleep a normal teenager needs.

Just five more minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 403
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Down + high = normal?
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lexaight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My son told me couldn't hear people in normal conversation

So we got him a colloquial implant.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/riversquid
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Normal back:

Normal back: Degenerates over time Suspect vertebra Makes life beyond 30 a living hell

Backstreets back: Alright

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gross04
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a circumcision that costed $20 more than normal ?

A rip off

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Depressed_Citrus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do witches not wear a normal hat?

Because there's no point in it.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call normal milk?

Ordindairy.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hot-Scarf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I showed my Dad /r/dadjokes and he said, "I don't get it. These are just normal jokes."
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PFive
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I get tyred of normal jokes and make puns instead. They are quick, easy, and don't put you under pressure. Sometimes, they can be very flat. They can be as light as air, or as heavy as steel. All in all, puns really punp me up!
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
The fact that my abs are normal is abnormal ...
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DopePotato
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A stammering guy murdered a person with a normal guy.. the normal guy was in prison for 10 years but the stammering guy was in prison for 20 years

Guess it takes stammering guys longer time to complete there sentences.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thesilentcomic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I am really quite a normal person. I am friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know Y

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kartik3e
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
We have a normal toilet...

Or as I say it’s bog standard

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
You said everything would be back to normal by the end of June...

July-ed!

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fredwardofox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants

but he's still making fun of me

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
You said everything would be back to normal after June...

JULYED!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants…

But he’s not buying it.

In fact, he’s still making fun of me.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2017
🚨︎ report
I tried to explain my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants,

but he's still making fun of me.

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smandalofficial
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants

but he’s still poking fun at me.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible!” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie...” he says. β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus!" exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report

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