The bank want to repossess my tree house. They say I haven't kept up my mortgage payments....

I'm convinced it's a mix up from when I moved branches.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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Why did the mortgage broker go out of business?

He lost interest.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I paid off most of my mortgage...

Now it's lessgage

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Unemployed Pilot (Dad still killing it at 70)

My dad just sent me this (couldn't help but groan, even as a dad myself):

I had a fella in painting and decorating the house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he is actually a Ryanair pilot on PUP (Pandemic Unemployment Payment - social welfare in Ireland for those affected by Covid), he is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landingπŸ˜¬πŸ‘

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Garbarrage
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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Person in front of me ordering coffee asked "can I have a large house?"

And I said "not without a large mortgage"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dad_2_the_bone
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Kermit the frog went to the bank to get a mortgage for a new lilypad. He walked up to the desk of loan officer Patricia Whack and placed a small porcelain statue of an angel on her desk asking if she would take it as collateral. "What is that?" she asked...

It's a knick knack, patty whack. Give a frog a loan?

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/curmudge_john
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL God is a Mortgage-free man (Happy 80th to him, too)
πŸ‘︎ 708
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-gem-524
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2017
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If Santa Claus forgets to pay the mortgage on his workshop.....

Is he in forclausure?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The3dPrintMaster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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A dog used lived in a clay-brick house but was evicted for not paying his mortgage..

A Dobie's adobe abode owed dough.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alfie_13
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
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What do you call someone who mails mortgage statements?

Post Malone

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andyh10s
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do pirates get affordable mortgages?

Because the pi rate is 3.14.

I'll show myself out

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spainman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Son: β€œDad, why do you keep telling dad jokes?”

Son: β€œDad, why do you keep telling dad jokes”

Dad: β€œwell you see son, once you become a dad, you’re stuck in an endless cycle of working from dusk to dawn to pay your mortgage and bills. There’s no more sex or passion with your mom. Dad jokes are my one attempt to keep humor in my life”

Son: β€œBut Dad, you can β€”β€œ

Dad: β€œyou could say I’m β€œDad” inside” weeps

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andyh10s
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Who do you talk to get out of debt?

Mortgage Freeman

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sSoundFXx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife and sister in law taking about rent.

Wife: You can just pay us $360, since it's half of the mortgage.

SIL: How about we make it $400, I like round numbers.

Me: 360 is a round number.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mustdashgaming
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Pad your repertoire with these
  1. ARBITRAITOR A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's
  2. BERNADETTE The act of torching a mortgage.
  3. BURGLARIZE What a crook sees through
  4. AVOIDABLE What a bullfighter tries to do
  5. EYEDROPPER Clumsy ophthalmologist
  6. CONTROL A short, ugly inmate.
  7. COUNTERFEITER Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
  8. ECLIPSE What an English barber does for a living.
  9. LEFT BANK What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.
  10. HEROES What a man in a boat does
  11. PARASITES What you see from the Eiffel Tower
  12. PARADOX Two physicians
  13. PHARMACIST A helper on a farm
  14. POLARIZE What penguins see through
  15. PRIMATE Remove your spouse from in front of TV
  16. RELIEF What trees do in the spring
  17. RUBERNECK What you do to relax your wife
  18. SELFISH What the owner of a seafood store does
  19. SUDAFED Brought litigation against a government official
  20. PARADIGMS 20 cents
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/David_Crockett
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
🚨︎ report
RL yuks

Daughter goofing around put a Mr Potato Head hairpiece on Dad's head. "There, now you have a toupee!"

Dad replies, "I already have a lot of 'to-pays'. Electric bill, mortgage, cable, phone..."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kjbrasda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad just e-mailed me a list of definitions:
  1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds

  2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do

  3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage

  4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with

  5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate

  6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

  7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living

  8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist

  9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

  10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money

  11. MISTY: How golfers create divots

  12. PARADOX: Two physicians

  13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

  14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm

  15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with

  16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV

  17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring

  18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife

  19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does

  20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnideRemarkDept
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2013
🚨︎ report

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