At my work we sell internet and work with credit card info so we aren't allowed to bring mobil phones in.

So I turned to my manager yesterday and said "We may not be able to have cell phones, but we can have SALE phones."

Note: This my first post here and not 100% sure if this is a dad joke. If it doesn't belong here, do inform me where I could post it. Many thanks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/James_Reacher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Weiner-mobile puns are the wurst. imgur.com/ZLbl3ED
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DirectorChick
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2015
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I was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on my mobile and the feed shut off.

I got a text from my mobile provider saying I’d exceeded my monthly Data allowance.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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What’s the difference between someone going to prison and a guy who has a mobile knife sharpening business?

One gets incarcerated, the other is in-car-serrated

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What did batman say to robin before they got into the bat mobile?

Robin get in the car.

πŸ‘︎ 408
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noodlesvonsoup
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A doctor was teaching a class, and wanted to give a pop quiz about tolerance and observance when dealing with the cadavers. (L) (On Mobile)

Teacher: β€œSo I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”

The teacher has everyone turn their body over

Teacher: β€œNow I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”

all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first

Teacher: β€œOkay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”

The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked

As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, β€œnow see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.

With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wonkagloop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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What do you call a mobile home for mentally insane horses?

Unstable.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LATROPSP
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Mobile phones cause cancer...

...if you smoke them.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ricerly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.

I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking about covering the outside of my house in unhatched chickens

My wife says it will look too boring, but I think it will be egg siding.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/degggendorf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
How did Samuel win the work talent show at the mobile phone factory?

Sam sung

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vodkafountain
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Robin: β€œThe Batmobil isn’t starting!” Batman: β€œDid you charge the battery?”

Robin: β€œWhat the hell is a tery?”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsDarthVader
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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What happens when you take a photo of a car with a single wheel?

Nothing happens, You don't take a photo of anything with a wheel, you use a camera/mobile phone instead.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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Dose this make me a mobile gamer ?
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vivekn421
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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Browsing reddit on mobile? Place your device on your body.

r/dadjokes on you!

πŸ‘︎ 211
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neloc1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My son sees me rushing to pick up my ringing mobile in another room.

Son: "Mom, Dad's russian!!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mdchris19
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the turtle go to T-mobile

Because he couldn't sprint

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kenjopac
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did Mr Potato have a mobile phone?

Just in case Mr Onion rings.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I get depressed if I don’t play video games.

I always need to console myself.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?

Because they have a supreme ruler.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Reddit user say after detonating a bomb in a bank?

Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Edit: Credit to r/Teenagers for this

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ustydud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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To the bat mobile!!
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samoneggs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a potato's favorite mobile game?

Tuber simulator

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArcannOfZakuul
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife got me with a jungle themed joke (Long-ish)

So we’ve got this FisherPrice Projector Mobile thing that projects a rotating imaging onto the ceiling. (Very nice little thing, highly suggest for babies)

Anyways... We’ve got it set up in the living room and Wife, Son, and I are laying on the ground in the dark watching it go round and round. It’s Jungle Themed, so a lion, elephant giraffe, tiger, a few monkeys, and so on...

We’re pointing out the different animals to Son and he’s repeating a few words here and there... When he starts waving and saying β€œHi” as a new animal rotates in.

So Wife goes, β€œHere comes the Lion. Can you say Hi to the Lion?”

And Son waves and says β€œHi!” and giggles.

Wife: β€œAnd there’s an Elephant! Can you Hi to the Elephant?”

Son: β€œHi... toots”

Wife: β€œYes! Toots! And here’s the next animal. Can you wave to the tiger?”

Son: β€œHi!”

Wife: β€œThat’s the β€˜Hi of the Tiger’”

Me: β€œ... πŸ’€ πŸ’€ πŸ’€β€

Wife: β€œYou love me... Look Son! A Zebra!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Desdomen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of people under 18 years old going somewhere?

A minor detail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diagonal-E
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a midget wearing a t-shirt with the slogan "I hate black people" on it...

I thought to myself... "that's a little racist"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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We Are not buying a mobile home

RV?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDankestOme
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Now that’s how you mobilize a fan base.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePoetofFall
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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I'm glad my friend enlightened me on this deal
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bflowwolf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Buhdum tiss imgur.com/o0FWnbr
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quinns21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A friend completely mis-said something. 5 minutes of crappy mobile photoshop later....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NarutoAteMyRamen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Be there

Or

                    🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝  
                    🐝                  🐝 
                     🐝                 🐝  
                     🐝                 🐝 
                      🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Fraul-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Enjoy your meal!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Couldbeurmom
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GalacticDestroyr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of car runs on leaves?

An autumn-mobile!

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
On mobile the r/perfect loops suggestion showed a wheel of ck that rotated between o and i. It said ick ock ick ock…obviously the T was cut off from the top. But watching it with out the the T made me think of Wild Bill

Wild Bill Hickock

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A man got pulled over for using his mobile phone

He explained to that it was a call from his wife, so he wasn't talking on the phone, just listening.

The cops let him go.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
More people have access to a mobile phone than a toilet.

I think we really need to upgrade our plumbers.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm a successful salesman for mobile internet contracts

But every time I visit the countryside I get soft and lose my edge

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D0tBlue
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?

A trophy.

πŸ‘︎ 146
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an athletic nun

Virgin Mobile

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ONIONSAREKINGS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report

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