Just got the test shot from our wedding photographer, but we accidentally dropped them into the mixing bowl filled with sugar, milk, and Jell-O mix.

Wife to be can't believe we actually did that, but I told her the proof is in the pudding.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackOfTrading
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
As soon as space travel is possible, I’m moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy

I’m galactose intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillowyWave5228
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Birmingham (UK) man loses job after 45 years at company

A Brummie was made redundant after working for the same company for 45 years. He quickly gets an interview with one of his ex companies rivals. His friends advise him that he should wear a suit and tie to the interview to try and make a good impression, unfortunately the interview is the same day and his only suit he has is the one he wore to his original interview in 1975.

He quickly gets dressed in his brown suit, complete with flares, wide lapels and a kipper tie.

He made quite the impression on his entrance and when the interviewer invited him into his office, he said "nice kipper tie" to which he replied " milk and 2 sugars please"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adidassamba
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a good pun for β€œLychee”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andy456l
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
The Cheerio story

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pup, and decided to keep him. It wasn’t much, but it inspired our little Cheerio friend here. One day, he got fed up with taking orders, and demanded a raise. His entire family has worked in this one factory for three generations, and he wanted to move up in the world, not just for him but also his kids. His old boss however, did not have the power to promote this Cheerio, and he was forced to make a life changing decision: he would go to the refinery company and use every penny in the family savings account (under the bed) to try and get a higher position. After waiting on line for over a week, his appoint was finally here. After bickering and bargaining for hours, the refinery company boss saw a spark in this lad’s eye. He agreed to give this Cheerio a promotion to the honored honey nut glaze in exchange for everything this man owned, including the family’s prized honey nut dog. Was it worth it? Well pretty soon he owned his own milk refinery and was able to breed his own honey nut dogs, so yes, yes it was. Owning and operating the refinery went smoothly. Milk was transported from the moon to the planet using space busses, and the milk itself was funneled down to the refineries using large straws. After the milk was ready to drink, it was shipped off to be sold. He was happy working here, but eventually he realized it wasn’t enough. This Cheerio, once a simple original Cheerio wanted to follow the β€œAmerican dream” and do the best he could. He wanted to become a frosted Ch

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackcrackaman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were talking about people owning strange animals and she said, β€œI’ve always wanted to get a manatee.”

I said, β€œThank you very much, I’ll have it with milk and two sugars please.”

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
So I don't swear in front of the kids...

Something just popped up on my laptop and gave me a jump-scare. I said "Oh Fudge, what is that?" My GF replied with "It's a sweet made from sugar, butter and condensed milk".

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DivinePrinterGod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2016
🚨︎ report
There are three classes of cheerios

There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/R1pply
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were talking about people owning strange animals and she said, β€œI’ve always wanted to get a manatee.”

I said, β€œThank you very much, I’ll have it with milk and two sugars please.”

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were talking about people owning strange animals when she said, β€œI’ve always wanted to get a manatee.”

I said, β€œThank you very much, I’ll have it with milk and two sugars please!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were talking about people owning strange animals and she said, β€œI’ve always wanted to get a manatee.”

I said, β€œThank you very much, I’ll have it with milk and two sugars please.”

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report

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