A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
Singers might open doors with their talents, but thieves can do it off key.
This post might be a little ballsy. And if it gets a lot of attention, I might get cocky.
You might think being injected with antivirus sounds boring
But it's really quite vaccinating
TS.PoM. "I'm sorry, the fizzy water might be a little flat..."
Me: "It's still water."
True Story. Proud of Myself.
People might like the idea of driving a transparent car, but I don’t.
You might not think engineers are brave...
But it took balls of steel to make the first bearings.
My wife has been cold to me lately, so I figured a hobby might make her more receptive to my advances. I figured why not stamp collecting? Well, I learned an important lesson...
Philately will get you nowhere
Dracula might have COVID.
He’s been coffin in his sleep.
If Dollar Tree stocked "golden calf" figurines, it might be renamed "I Dollar Tree."
I think my puppy might be a train...
all she does is chew, chew, chew.
I think my cat might be a communist.
He just keeps going on about "Mao Mao Mao".
"Honey, who might bee at the front door?"
What might you call people who live in the high Arctic?
If life gives you melons...
Not my joke in any way but thought people might like it.
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
I think this might be a repost.
I Was Told You Might Like My Valentines Day Cards ;)
So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
My son might not be the best roofer in the world
I might just lean against the wall
I come up with a really lame two word gay joke the other day that i was afraid my gay mate might find offensive
If you keep shouting you might get a pony.
You might get a little hoarse.
My dad (67) just sent this to me. It's literally a dad joke. Some of us might not get it though I'm sure.
What does the Pink Panther say when he knocked over an ant hill?
Dead ant... dead ant... dead ant dead ant dead ant... dead ant dead ant....
This might sound a little racist...
...but I hate the 100 meter dash.
It might be Eggtra but I found it funny
I think the best web designers in the world might be
Thought y’all might enjoy these illustrated puns I found on the back of my English lit class notes from high school 🙃
Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...
Twitter might ban you if you post a COVID joke.
But there is a 95% chance you won’t get it.
My dad constantly tells me I'll never amount to anything because I always procrastinate.
I'll show him. Just you wait.
Edit: Goodness, that blew up. My first awards, too!
I want to send out individual replies to thank everyone who gave me an award. I might do it later.
This might be my crowning achievement. If it's been done before, I apologize for nothing. Grape minds think alike- nope wrong fruit.
It might crack under pressure.
[META] Could we get some moderation in this sub?
In my eyes, this sub has a serious problem with non-dadjoke posts. Sub-reddit rule #1 is "Jokes must be dad jokes.". What good are the rules if they aren't enforced? I do realize that what constitutes a dadjoke might not be clarely defined, but we get a lot of posts that are marked nsfw. That's a "This is not a dadjoke"-flag. Why not start with removing nsfw posts?
PS: Why do we have rule #6? It is not possible for a dadjoke to be nsfw, so it should never be relevant.
I might get stabbed over this:
My sister might as well be a Dad
Doctors told John Travolta to quarantine because he might have Covid-19.
Turns out he just had Saturday Night Fever.
Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner
Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.
Sisters kids: Who? WHO?
Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other
Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad
Me: I'm a faux pas
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
I might be dating myself by admitting this...
but since the 80s, I've only gone to the movies alone.
Might become a doctor
To help people but most importantly when the mailman/mailwoman arrives to my house I can say "just what the doctor ordered"
If you mask debate too often, you might go blind.
I think my cat might be a communist
he won’t shut up about Mao