The steaks were flying high 😲
Sir Veillance
-What was he saying? -You’re fi…
Her: are you serious?
Me: dead-ass.
They both have no visible means of support.
So for his final trick he counted in Spanish.
Uno
Dos
And he disappeared.
He left without a tres.
Transparent
It’s Called Trial n’ Air.
Because they want their relationship to work out
But after reflecting, it may have just been a mid flight crisis
If Arnold Schwarzeneter was a student he would be the mid-terminater
I was walking on air!
Its an udder disaster!
They were mid-evil.
He went completely off script.
I chose the 3rd guy as he was the medium.
It's an absolutely gorgeous autumn day here. Beautifully clear skies, warm with a light breeze. We are driving back from the seaside markets. The weather man on the car's radio is telling us the same. "Mostly sunny ... Today temperature will be in the mid twenties."
My daughter (9) "Mid twenties. I thought the weather was much older than that."
I'm so very proud
Guess you could say that it was a close shave
I told her to join the club.
It's called Urine-Nation.
It's my first slum-brrrr party so wish us luck!
He was red-handed
You'll have the rest of your life to fix it
because two of them together would be a paradox.
Dead center.
Seated at the bar is an elderly lady, mid eighties.
The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
I’m not a very witty person, but a bartender was taking a cup to dish and she was like, “omg everybody look at this drink! Doesn’t it look so good?” (sarcastically) And it was whatever alcohol was in it and a juul pod package inside the cup
And I was like, “omg it’s a mint juulep” and everybody laughed even the owner of the company who was there. Felt very good.
I want it to be clear of how slow minded I am. It’s so bad that I will stop mid-sentence because I can’t come up with the right word. So for a joke to hit so well I just gotta thank you guys for encouraging me to make puns and be that funny guy at work❤️
You may be having an exit-stencil crisis.
Because he didn't give a flying flip.
It's my break fluid.
T T T T T T T T
My doctor has a lot of explaining to do.
Reviewing an insurance proposal with a client when we got to a storm provision...
Client: So BLToaster, does this other policy cover hail as well?
BLToaster: Absolutely.
Client: Hail yea!
Groans around the room while the client and myself cracked up.
A settlement has been reached in one of the sweetest lawsuits ever to be filed in federal court, but details of the payday are under wrappers.
Daryl White Jr. of Belle, Missouri, didn’t sugar coat his anger about paying a dollar apiece for boxes of Mike and Ikes and Hot Tamales that were only two-thirds full. Determined not to be a sucker, he hired counsel and paid the U.S. District Court Western District of Missouri a $400 filing fee to sue Just Born Inc., the candymaker’s parent company, for alleged deceptive advertising and unjust enrichment.
I want to save something for the semi-finals.
Alzheimer and Diarrhea, cause you run to a bathroom and mid-way you forgot what you were doing
I replied "Yeah, they're looking pretty fourmidable."
I've had enough of these Paranormal Activia.
Mom: Squirrel Dad: What? Mom: It's from that movie up Dad: Oh... Duck Mom: what? Dad: It's from that movie down
I could not stop laughing in the back seat and I still laugh thinking about it today. (its been over 5 years since he said that)
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
A mid-wife crisis!
