My friend said, β€œMy kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?”

Me: Cats. Cats love fish.

πŸ‘︎ 600
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Happy New Year! Remember kids, you need to make some good resolutions to become a better version of yourself.

If you don’t, they’ll just go in one year and right out the other.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RhaenSyth
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a ginger kid who’s good at martial arts?

The Carroty Kid

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bjs1023113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Kid: spells 'greet' with an 'a'. "Did I do good on this?"

Dad: "No, you did great!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jamrod0
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A good way of stopping yours kids from getting high?

ground them.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scorpino888
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
So after becoming a father, my dad and I were talking about how we couldn’t believe any man would walk away from his kids. My dad says dead beat isn’t a good enough name so he asks me what they should be called. I said:

A joke, dad.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to be a good kid, until I got caught in the mudslide.

That's when everything went downhill.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Not a good idea, kids
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blockinite
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are fat kids such good children?

They're well rounded.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinyhibachigrill
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are good jokes like anti-vax kids?

They never get old.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/H3nTy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
After playing our set at the local block party, a group of kids walked up to the stage and the leader laughed, "You rock pretty good for a buncha ole geezers, but why the heck did you name your band, 'Bald Patch'!?" I shrugged and said...

"To be honest, it was off the top of my head."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
It's a grandpa joke but whatever. 'Kids, when you're my age, you'll really want to wear diapers again for 2 good reasons'

'What are the reasons?'

'#1, and #2'

'Oh grandpa...'

'You don't understand. #2 was a solid one'

'Stoooop'

'And you should already understand #1, it runs in your genes'

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gets_the_dad_joke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Kids these days with ADHD don’t know how good they have it.

Back in my day we had to watch our AD in 480i

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
When OP made such a good post you name your kid after him.
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ralph3576
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
If bus routes were teenagers and time was drugs, my bus would be a really good kid.

Because let me tell you, it is never on time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, I used to be really good at spelling bees.

But other words, not so much.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is the kid from Toy Story so good at repairing his toys?

Because he's very Andy.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hiugo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I've not been able to submit one good dad joke now that my kids got bigger.

They've all groan.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I always tell my kids when they leave β€œhave a good trip”.

Catch you next fall.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My old man got me good when I was a kid.

So some birds were flying over us in that V-shape they tend to fly in, and my old man looked up, almost in awe, and said to me:

Dad: Wow, look at those birds, son. See how they fly in that V shape?

Me (in a genuine child-like awe): Yeah, that's cool, dad.

Dad: See how one side of the V is longer than the other?

Me: Yeah.

Dad: You know why that is?

Me: No, why?

Dad: Cause there are more birds on that side, dumbass.

πŸ‘︎ 291
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TehJoze
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad got me good as a kid...

I was told this belonged here..

When I was about 13 yrs old, I was playing basketball at the rec league by my house. During one of the games, an opponent was fouled. So we are lined up waiting for him to shoot his foul shots, and my coach sends in a substitute player for me. So I'm jogging towards the bench. When I get about 10-15ft away from the bench, I tripped and slide head-first into the bench. The whole gym let's out an, "ooohhh....", and just as it gets quiet, my dad stands up on the other side of the gym and like an umpire in baseball yells, "SAFE!"

After the game, I yelled at him for it. His response... "Hey, I could've called you 'out!'"

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beer_knurd
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Why is it good to tell your kids pot jokes?

They're High Larious!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/heidgerken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Pretty good one when my kids were whining at "Daddy"

You can call me Dad A or Dad B, but don't you dare call me Dad E.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/partyeh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Made a good one while dropping the kids off at daycare this morning

My wife and I are driving down the pothole-filled road to our daycare, which is in a church.

As we pull up, I say, "It's fitting that daycare is in a church, because this is a really holy road."

The resulting groan was proof that I have made it as a dad.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsamamaluigi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2015
🚨︎ report
Kids are finally getting old enough to appreciate a good dad joke

Son #2 was telling Son #1 about the deer he saw out the window while we were driving somewhere:
S2 - "Yeah, it was just standing on the side of the road eating grass. It was a buck!"
S1 - "Cool."
Me - "You sure it wasn't a buck fifty?"
Kids laughed and wife eye-rolled. It was great!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/obiwanterp
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2016
🚨︎ report
My friend said, β€œMy kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?”

β€œA cat” I said. β€œCats love fish.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.