I failed my medical school entrance exam last week, thanks to nerves.

The correct answer was blood vessels.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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We were about to witness our first autopsy in medical school. My friend said, β€œWhat do you think it’ll be like?”

I said, β€œRemains to be seen.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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My classmates in medical school said he found the cure for obesity.

He won't tell me what it is, but he insists it's as easy as taking candy from a baby.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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A doctor, who was just newly a dad, decided to give a medical school lecture on the human reproductive system and what he learned throughout his partner's pregnancy. When a student asked what the correct pronunciation of ovaries is, he shrugged and said:

Oh, varies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noahep22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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I left home for medical school down in the caribbean. My dad said if I ever get lonely, I'll always have someone to talk to on the island, and he gave me this.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clancy1001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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What do you call a student who graduated last in medical school?

Doctor

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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Doctors sure spend a whole lot of time and money on medical school...

Just to become ill informed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2016
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I just passed medical school!

This morning on the way to work.

Makes me pretty much a doctor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/falthazar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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Why did the 14th century physician drop out of medical school?

Because he had no sense of humors

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnfunnyClinician
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
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Was telling Dad about my engaged friend's options for medical school rotations

Me: Yeah, so he was telling me he might go to Columbus. He was also thinking about Dayton.

Dad: But he's engaged!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lancex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children

It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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The story of Mike and the dad joke hall of fame

Hello everyone. Today, a 72-year-old man named Mike came into my office. Mike blessed me with many gifts, a sampling of which I would like to share with you all here.

First, Mike asked how I was. I said "good, how are you?" Mike: I had a dream last night I was a muffler. And when I woke up it scared me because I was exhausted.

Mike also has an ex wife. "My Ex wife was so ugly her mom made her go trick or treating by telephone so she didn’t scare the other children."

Not just one ex wife, Mike has two ex wives. "My ex wife was so ugly I used to take her to work with me so I didn’t have to kiss her goodbye"

Mike does a lot of work for various charities. "I asked the lady at a restaurant if I could post my flyer for an event in the window. She said 'that depends, are you a non-profit?' I said 'lady I've got two ex wives, I haven't had profit in 30 years!'"

Those darn ex wives. "I’m so poor a pick pocket tried to rob me the other day and all he got was practice."

Mike actually came to my office to tell me about a basketball camp he's putting on next week. He's been playing basketball for 64 years. "I was a great athlete in high school. I was voted most valuable player by all the cheerleaders."

There was one girl though who got away. "There was a girl who lived down the street and I used to call her all the time and say 'Sarah, can I come over?' and she'd say no. So one day she called & said β€œMike, come over, nobody's home.” So I went to her house and she was right, there wasn’t anybody there."

That girl may be why he didn't play baseball. "I played football, basketball and track. Someone asked me 'Mike, why didn't you play baseball?' I said 'because I was already so good at striking out!'"

Anyways, Mike went on to have a lengthy career in TV and radio, until he didn't. "I had to quit my job for medical reasons. My boss said I made her sick."

Thank you for your time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CCisme5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Girlfriend got me today.

Her: I'm hungry. Me: We're making food, just be patient. Her: I don't have patience. Me: Well you need to learn patience. Her: Why do you think I'm going to medical school: to get some patients.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnOwlOfSorts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2015
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The Hall of Deans

So my dad, sister and I all went to go and visit my grandmother (she got moved to hospice this week) at the hospital, and on the entry way it showed a Hall of Deans for the Sanford Medical School/Hospital. Like four busts all in a row. My Dad, whose name is Doug goes, "God, all four of them were named Dean? Where's the Hall of Dougs? Sign me up!"

He had tears coming out of his eyes. I love my family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwingingSalmon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
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Can anyone give me an example of a "soft tissue"?

A few years ago, I was in Radiography School with the Army. During our Basic Medical Orientation class, our instructer asked my class to give an example of a soft tissue.

I replied, "I can name two; Charmin and Puffs!"

I spent the remainder of class in the "Front Leaning Rest" position. Well worth it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikefwt210
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2015
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A father and her disappointing daughter.

So there's a girl, who just graduated from High School as an honors student but just a few A's away from making Valedictorian. After her graduation, her father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."

The girl goes to medical school. Once again, she graduates near the top of her class but isn't the top of her class. The father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."

The girl was nominated for a big promotion in her hospital but was just a few marks away from securing it. Her father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."

Years pass. The woman has grown to hate her father. One day, she receives a letter saying her father had passed away. Forgetting all of her hate, she gets on the next flight to her mother's home.

As soon as she arrives, her mother hands her a letter detailing one final request from her father.

"At my funeral, I would like to have my daughter lower my body into my grave so she can let me down one more time."

EDIT: Grammar, wording, etc.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/salingerparadise
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
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What do they call the person in medical school who graduates last in his class?

Doctor.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grammascookies
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2015
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