28 Hilarious Measurement Unit Puns

My 8 year old sons joke today. What’s a girls favorite unit of measurement?

(Gal)lons

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👤︎ u/static612

📅︎ Apr 15 2021

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What unit of measurement do you use to weigh your linens?

Sheet tons.

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👤︎ u/lawnboy18

📅︎ Sep 30 2020

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When my classmate, Abhi, couldn’t remember what the unit of measurement of frequency was, he started thinking really hard.

My science teacher then said “Abhi, it looks like your head really hertz!”

This actually happened 2 minutes ago

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👤︎ u/TheHolyLordOfBacon

📅︎ Apr 26 2019

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What unit of measurement does a serial killer use to weigh its victims ?

Kill-o-grams !

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👤︎ u/WinterDad32

📅︎ Oct 31 2019

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When someone says Joules are the superior unit of measurements for energy

Watt the fuck

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👤︎ u/EoinTheBest123

📅︎ May 24 2018

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The carat, a unit of mass for gemstones, and a measurement of purity for gold, takes its name from the Greek word for a carob seed from the Legume family.

No wonder they are called the Pirates of the Carob Bean.

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👤︎ u/explosivelydehiscent

📅︎ Feb 08 2019

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What is the most painful unit of measurement?

Ow!nces (ounces)

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👤︎ u/BeerAndJameson

📅︎ Dec 04 2017

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What unit of measure do pirates use?

YARRRDS

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👤︎ u/billbrasky43

📅︎ Apr 04 2021

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What would happen if America switched from using pounds to kilograms as a unit a measure?

Mass confusion.

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👤︎ u/Mighty_Platypus

📅︎ Jan 16 2021

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I find it so sad that the US uses another unit other than °C or K for measuring temperature.

F.

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👤︎ u/rocker230

📅︎ May 25 2020

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What unit does a graduated cylinder measure in?

Degrees.

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👤︎ u/magicoddeffect

📅︎ Mar 30 2020

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What unit do European cats use to measure volume?

Kitti-liter

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👤︎ u/hackmark

📅︎ Dec 02 2019

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It’s the lighter fluid

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👤︎ u/Kelly240361

📅︎ Sep 06 2020

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Which weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

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👤︎ u/Ew0k5AN0nomi5

📅︎ Mar 20 2020

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Someone: "If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine you probably should've been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19"

My response: "144? That's a gross"

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👤︎ u/jazzywaffles84

📅︎ Mar 16 2020

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What unit do you use to measure cheese?

Incheese.

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👤︎ u/kennydurden

📅︎ May 26 2016

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Made my girlfriend laugh at first, then make a pained sound when she got it. 10/10 dad joke in my opinion. /r/Jokes/comments/fu5vmq/…

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👤︎ u/LordPirateDuck

📅︎ Apr 03 2020

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I’m two stone lighter this morning.

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👤︎ u/readitt_prime

📅︎ Aug 12 2018

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Chance of getting the job? Absolute zero.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ May 02 2018

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"Mass confusion"

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👤︎ u/capitalistic_nature

📅︎ May 08 2018

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I think it's neat to order whisky, no ice

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👤︎ u/PaxPaw

📅︎ Jan 29 2018

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What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe?

Kilometery Cyrus

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👤︎ u/billdanbury

📅︎ Nov 16 2015

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[Request] Mole-related puns

So to clarify, a mole is a unit of measurement in chemistry. My chemistry class does this extra credit project every year where you make a diorama of a mole (animal), with some sort of pun. Examples: Mole-sama Bin Laden, Mole Digger, Deadmol3. Help me find a good idea?

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👤︎ u/ProbablySpiderman

📅︎ Nov 24 2014

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Got my whole family to groan...

My brother was doing a crossword puzzle and asks, "What unit of measurement do they use for sod?"

My response: "Yards."

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👤︎ u/Daydu

📅︎ Dec 25 2015

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What’s a monk’s favorite unit of measurement?

Ohms

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👤︎ u/Claw198

📅︎ Dec 20 2020

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What would happen if the USA switched from Pounds to Kilograms?

There would be mass confusion

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👤︎ u/HereforacoupleofQs

📅︎ Feb 16 2021

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If Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight, there would be mass confusion

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👤︎ u/TimHP

📅︎ May 08 2018

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If Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

There would be mass confusion

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👤︎ u/Bignate1213

📅︎ Jun 01 2018

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