I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Race information
- What? Petah Tikva 5k Night Race
- When? June 6, 2019
- Where? Petah Tikva, Israel
- How far?
5KM5.7KM - Time: 20:39 (3:37/KM pace, 18:07 5K)
Time Goals
| Goal | Description | Completed? |
|---|---|---|
| A | 17:30 | No |
| B | 18:00 | No |
| C | 18:22 (Club U19 Record) | Yes |
| D | 18:25 (PR) | Yes |
Race Placing Goals
| Goal | Description | Completed? |
|---|---|---|
| A | Win OA | Yes |
| B | Podium OA | Yes |
| C | Win AG | Yes |
| D | Podium AG | Yes |
Splits
| Kilometer | Time |
|---|---|
| 1 | 3:30 |
| 2 | 3:45 |
| 3 | 3:50 |
| 4 | 3:32 |
| 5 | 3:32 |
| 5.7 | 3:38 Pace |
Training
June was the end of the competitive season for my running club. In fact, the last race of our club was a month ago, but I ran it while in overtraining and performed abysmally. Therefore, I chose this race because I believed (naively, mind you), that this race would be perfect for scoring a big PR, since it would be in the evening so it would be chilly(it wasn't), that it would be an accurately measured 5k (it wasn't) and that it would be a flat course (it wasn't).
I'm just a big dumbass when it comes to choosing races, I guess.
Anyways, my training was the usual mix of 5k training workouts, including hill reps, tempo runs, long weekend runs, fartlek workouts and easy runs in between. I peaked at about 75km(47mi) the in the week that was 3 weeks out from the race, which was less than I hoped since I wanted to do 80km(50mi) the following week but my body wouldn't let me and I began taking hits in my performance in workouts. I decided to take it easy until the race, only maintaining decent milage and preserving speed through strides and easy fartlek workouts. It seemed to work and as the race day came I felt in pretty good shape since my body still remembered the workouts that came before I was forced to dial back my training.
Pre-race
It was a night run so no waking up at 4:00, finally! I asked my cyclist friend if he'd like to tag along and he said yes to my surprise so I was glad it wasn't a solo venture. Left home at 17:00. Took 2 trains to Petah Tikva, and took a race shuttle from the train station to the race grounds. Arrived at 19:10.
There were a lot of big names in the race grounds, including Haimro Almaya(IAAF page), the Israeli 10000m record holder, who was there
... keep reading on reddit ➡Do your worst!
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
I won't be doing that today!
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
[Removed]
There hasn't been a post all year!
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
Race information
- What? Petah Tikva 5k Night Race
- When? June 6, 2019
- Where? Petah Tikva, Israel
- How far?
5KM5.7KM - Time: 20:39 (3:37/KM pace, 18:07 5K)
Time Goals
| Goal | Description | Completed? |
|---|---|---|
| A | 17:30 | No |
| B | 18:00 | No |
| C | 18:22 (Club U19 Record) | Yes |
| D | 18:25 (PR) | Yes |
Race Placing Goals
| Goal | Description | Completed? |
|---|---|---|
| A | Win OA | Yes |
| B | Podium OA | Yes |
| C | Win AG | Yes |
| D | Podium AG | Yes |
Splits
| Kilometer | Time |
|---|---|
| 1 | 3:30 |
| 2 | 3:45 |
| 3 | 3:50 |
| 4 | 3:32 |
| 5 | 3:32 |
| 5.7 | 3:38 Pace |
Training
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Peak milage: 85kpw(53mpw) during winter training, 75kpw(47mpw) during summer training.
June was the end of the competitive season for my running club. In fact, the last race of our club was a month ago, but I ran it while in overtraining and performed abysmally. Therefore, I chose this race because I believed (naively, mind you), that this race would be perfect for scoring a big PR, since it would be in the evening so it would be chilly(it wasn't), that it would be an accurately measured 5k (it wasn't) and that it would be a flat course (it wasn't).
I'm just a big dumbass when it comes to choosing races, I guess.
Anyways, my training was the usual mix of 5k training workouts, including hill reps, tempo runs, long weekend runs, fartlek workouts and easy runs in between. I peaked at about 75km(47mi) the in the week that was 3 weeks out from the race, which was less than I hoped since I wanted to do 80km(50mi) the following week but my body wouldn't let me and I began taking hits in my performance in workouts. I decided to take it easy until the race, only maintaining decent milage and preserving speed through strides and easy fartlek workouts. It seemed to work and as the race day came I felt in pretty good shape since my body still remembered the workouts that came before I was forced to dial back my training.
Pre-race
It was a night run so no waking up at 4:00, finally! I asked my cyclist friend if he'd like to tag along and he said yes to my surprise so I was glad it wasn't a solo venture. Left home at 17:00. Took 2 trains to Petah Tikva, and took a race shuttle from the train station to the race grounds. Arrived at 19:10.
There were a lot of big names in the race grounds, including [Haimro Almaya(IAAF
... keep reading on reddit ➡