What would happen if America switched from using pounds to kilograms as a unit a measure?
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︎ Jan 16 2021
My kids fought for a long time over a device to measure angles
It was a protracted battle
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︎ Jan 09 2021
Whatβs a communistβs favorite thing to measure time with
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︎ Dec 19 2020
We Tried Getting Americans to Start Measuring Weight in Kilograms Instead of Pounds
But they were very cagey about it.
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︎ Nov 14 2020
Whatβs a monkβs favorite unit of measurement?
π︎ 20
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︎ Dec 20 2020
How do farmers measure land?
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︎ Dec 27 2020
How do elves measure their height?
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︎ Dec 09 2020
I can't believe I was able to trade a piece of fruit for a measuring device.
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Driving the neighborhood, I told my son we would use the odometer to measure out our Turkey Trot 5k
> Son: It's gonna take a lot of yard sticks.
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︎ Nov 29 2020
How do you measure Firefox's output?
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 18 2020
Why are snakes measured in inches?
Because they don't have any feet
π︎ 227
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︎ Aug 27 2020
What is the cannibal carpenterβs favorite measurement?
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 24 2020
π€£ππ
π︎ 5k
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︎ Nov 13 2020
As a covid detection measure, the eyeglass place took my temperature before I could see the eye doctor.
Does anyone know how I can get it back?
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︎ Oct 31 2020
How did the ghost measure all its Halloween activities?
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︎ Oct 26 2020
How do you measure a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh, now.
π︎ 10k
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︎ Mar 08 2020
My tape measure fell asleep
I found it very inch-resting
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︎ Oct 05 2020
How do you measure the speed of joy?...
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︎ Nov 08 2020
Why is milk measured in quarts instead of in feet?
π︎ 19
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︎ Sep 30 2020
Pope decides on new measures to keep Cardinals on their toes.
He raised the Vatican urinals by 4 inches.
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 07 2020
How do you think they measure the weight of bones?
They probably Skel-a-Ton at a time!
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 03 2020
What unit of measurement do you use to weigh your linens?
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 30 2020
My wife asked me why I insist on measuring our bookshelf when I get home from a night of drinking.
How else am I going to keep my stories straight.
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︎ Aug 28 2020
Imperial>
π︎ 4k
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︎ Oct 19 2020
The Covid19 situation has been particularly stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear social distancing measures will push someone over the edge.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Itβs the lighter fluid
π︎ 6k
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︎ Sep 06 2020
I got thrown out of the park for measuring the squirrels
I guess they didn't want me critter sizing.
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︎ Aug 09 2020
Dewey's doctor has been keeping track of all of his moles. The location and size of them. He's so thorough that he measures them all the way down to tenths.
He called it the Dewey deci-mole system..
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︎ Aug 14 2020
Why should you always measure a snake in inches?
Because they have no feet!
(Courtesy of Snake Discovery on YouTube)
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 29 2020
Where do large sea mammals go to get their body mass measured?
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 26 2020
So I walked into my daughter's room with a tape measure the other day, and she was lying on her bed reading a book. I stood in the doorway and started slowly extending the tape measure, all the way across the room, until it touched her cheek. "What??" she asked me. My response...
"I'm measuring your patience!"
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Aug 24 2019
Why was the king only 12 inches tall?
.. because he was a ruler
π︎ 4k
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︎ Sep 19 2020
I'm on the couch playing video games when my dad walks in with a tape measure
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
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︎ Dec 29 2018
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, βFine. Suit yourself.β
π︎ 14k
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︎ Aug 14 2020
What does a ninja use to measure someone's pulse
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 10 2020
How do you measure a social media influencerβs popularity?
π︎ 7
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︎ May 13 2020
I love measuring density in nanograms over liters.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jun 19 2020
I find it so sad that the US uses another unit other than Β°C or K for measuring temperature.
π︎ 11
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︎ May 25 2020
My next door neighbour told me that every morning when he measures his allotment, it is a couple of inches smaller than the day before.
I think he is slowly losing the plot...
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︎ Jun 05 2020
How do Americans measure images?
π︎ 7
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︎ May 28 2020
What unit does a graduated cylinder measure in?
π︎ 23
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︎ Mar 30 2020
How do communist measure time?
π︎ 142
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︎ Nov 14 2020
How do you measure a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
π︎ 32
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︎ Sep 23 2020
How do you measure how heavy a red hot chili pepper is?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now...
π︎ 248
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︎ Jul 12 2020
How do you measure how heavy a chili pepper is?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
π︎ 153
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︎ May 20 2020
How do you measure a snake?
In inches they donβt have feet!
π︎ 8
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︎ Jun 07 2020
How do you measure a snake?
In inches. Snakes don't have any feet.
π︎ 47
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︎ Feb 19 2020
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