What is The metric system’s favorite bug?

A centipede. I’m a dad, can confirm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fifthpick2004
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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Imagine Americans switched from Pound to Kilograms overnight

There would be mass confusion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anukrit_Subedi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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Americans don't like the metric system because most of them have a foot fetish.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gr8prajwalb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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Why does the metric system make so many friends with women?

It always wants to meter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Metric > Imperial
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ginganinja709
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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We the people... Don't like metric
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taurtel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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Why was the king only 12 inches tall?

.. because he was a ruler

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drbandre
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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Why do all nerd prefer the metric system?

Because they program

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFifthStep
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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I'm in favor of the US converting to the metric system

You could say I'm a pro-grammer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dlight98
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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Our country is about to switch from imperial to metric units.

There will be mass confusion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cjborange
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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Why can't many people move to the metric system?

They are suffering from the agony of de feet.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Adopting the metric system would help make US neighborhoods so much more livable

Under the current Imperial system, every three feet is a new yard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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You know the US could switch to the metric system overnight?

But there’d be mass confusion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noah-Heartfield
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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What would happen if the US suddenly switched to the metric system?

There'd be mass confusion

(Inspiration: https://www.reddit.com/r/monkeyspaw/comments/cy1td0/i_wish_the_usa_would_finally_switch_to_the_metric/eypnk65?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatTheoGuy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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I hear IT people are the main reason the US has not switched to metric

So many people who are pro gram amongst them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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I love the metric system.

It is better than all other systems by 1.6 kilometres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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I was once in a band called 999 megabytes.

We could never quite get a gig.

Edit: I was aware that it's 1024 Meg to a gig, but "a band called 1023 megabytes" doesn't have the same ring to it. Also doesn't getting the IT wrong make it more dad like?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickl444
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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When Americans say β€œWe don’t use the metric system...”

It’s the Imperial we.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CorujaGO
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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What album was most vocal about the metric system?

Korn - Follow the Litre

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dhalsimballskin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
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Why do podiatrists hate the metric system?

They're in love with feet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JPINFV
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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Why are grams afraid of the Metric system?

Because they kilogram.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2016
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What do you call the metric unit for galaxies?

An andrometer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kenreal
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2017
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If Mexico uses the Metric system...

...then why do they call it an Enchilada?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingerstick13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
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never ask a podiatrist for help with the metric system. They only know feet..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kjvlv
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2014
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Down with the metric system

No more foreign rulers!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2014
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Mods are asleep, so here's an imperial ruler
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigdeal888
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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Chance of getting the job? Absolute zero.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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"Mass confusion"
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
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Imperialically good joke

If the metric system is so smart then why are all of the scientific breakthroughs measured in milestones

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B1tninja
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length…

Must be some kind of milestone…

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2017
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What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe?

Kilometery Cyrus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billdanbury
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2015
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I don't want to sound raceist but...

I've always preferred the 100m to the 200m

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WonkySight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2016
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A "helen" could be used as a measurement of beauty, defined as a face that could launch a thousand ships. However, one should not use a "millihelen" to mean that a face could only launch one ship...

...because you shouldn't put metric prefixes on Troy units.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IncompotentCyborg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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On the phone with my 4'7" wife

Her: I will be there shortly.

Me: Wh..haha..when are you not anywhere SHORTLY?

Her: ...

30 seconds later, talking about our son..

Her: Apparently, I forgot about his bottle.

Me: Isn't everything we do "apparently" now that we're parents?

Her: You're a dumbass...See you when I get home, love you.

Me: ..Shortly, right?

Her: (click)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Land-Stander
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2015
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As a recent college grad, I had a realization.

I understand my field to a degree

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsProfOak
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2016
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Girlfriend asked me what meal I wanted for my birthday... She gets me

https://imgur.com/a/86LSZ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thinkV
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2017
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You need an IQ of 200 to get this computer pun.

A band named 1023 MB was very sad, they couldn't get a gig.

This is unoriginal, but it has been reposted so many times i can't even pund it anywhere in the web, I even asked my pet spider where it was orginally found.

Pun 1: >!A gigabyte is actually 1024 MB not 1000 MB!<

Pun 2: >!Spiders makes webs idiot.!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoatNoodles1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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What do you call a three foot tall Spanish person?

A Spain-yard

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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A List of Puns (and other excuses for good humor)

Me: You got the goods?

Dealer: I have an alloy of iron and carbon for only $1.

Me: My, what a steel!

Guy: Hey, wanna hear my joke?

Boxer: I dunno, man. People always say I ruin their punchline.

Teacher: What are the four components of DNA?

Student: Actually, there are five: Adenine, cytosine, guanine, thymine--

Teacher: Oh? And the fifth one?

Student: I got I got I got I got...

Me (metric): Why does America use the imperial system? It's stupid.

Friend (imperial): Actually, other places use the imperial system.

Me: Which other places?

Friend: The Galactic Empire.

Guy: I hate spam.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

...

Someone: Son of a gun...

Someone Else: Now you've just pistoled me off!

Okay, I know these are not the greatest puns ever, but this is my first post in this subreddit. Anyway, now here are the explanations:

Joke 1 - An alloy of carbon and iron is popularly referred to as steel, and stainless steel costs $2.41, in which the item receives a 58.51% reduction in cost, which is a mighty bargain, also known as a steal.

Joke 2 - Boxing is a sport in which your only goal is to knock your opponent out through a series of punches. The ending or twist of a joke is commonly referred to as the punchline of said joke.

Joke 3 - Check out Kendrick Lamar's DNA song.

Joke 4 - Troops and personnel of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars are commonly referred to as the Imperials.

Joke 5 - Spam musubi, or just spam, is a type of sushi. On the internet, spam is referred to as the repetition of a specific message, especially when emailing, to annoy or advertise a product/website to someone.

Joke 6 - The phrase, "Son of a gun", is a friendlier alternative to the phrase, "Son of a bitch!" Also, when you annoy someone, that means that you pissed them off, which sounds a bit like "pistoled".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/U2BURR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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I always thought that Two Factor, as in two factor authentication, sounded like a Rapper's handle.

I wonder if he's a fan of his predecessor, TwoFac Secure?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendaryOdin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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I'm bummed, I bought my daughter a trampoline and she won't be able to use it

https://imgur.com/7N9cd2V

She only has two feet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChicksDigNerds
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
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Driving with my dad...

... and the band Metric is on the radio and my dad says "did you know they used to known as 'Imperial'?"
Took me a moment to get it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/svenson_26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
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What would happen if the USA switched from Pounds to Kilograms?

There would be mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 943
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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Why do the Americans don't like the metric system?

Because most of them have a foot fetish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gr8prajwalb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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If Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight, there would be mass confusion
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimHP
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
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