Metre Puns

85 metres.

He's a π thon

A π-thon.

That's my Mployment record.

They only know feet.

...and it was right - there weren't.

But you measure rattlesnakes in meters, because they have rhythm.

The rest of the world: I broke my metre

He told me it was really expensive because its material, kevlar, its seats, leather, and the hull, 9 yards.

A metermeter

Big-0.3-metre

A couple of metres of barbed wire

I got my wife with this today:

Wife: "I'm going to take a shower now, but don't worry I won't have a long shower"

Me(dad): "I know; the shower is only about 1 square meter"

It's been slow. She usually only manages a few metres in a straight line before stopping. Today she cycled along for ages with one arm held out to the side.

I think she's finally turning a corner.

I was sat a few seats away from a man and his son/grandson and he was testing the kid on his math.

Man: "what's 2+2"
Kid: "4"
Man: "what's 4+4"
Kid: "8"
Man: what's 8+8"
Kid: "16"

This continued all the way up to 2048

Man: "okay then... if you have two yards, what have you got?"
Kid: "umm.... two metres?... a metre?"
Man: "no, you have a back yard and a front yard"

I let out a little chuckle but the kid didn't seem to enjoy it as much

I'm doing a project at home and went to the local arts and craft store for 2 metres of Velcro, wow it is so expensive. What a rip-off!

About 5 metres. Oh haha... (sarcastic) How long is it? About 5 inches.

We only have about an hour and a half to measure then go and purchase curtains before the baby needs a nap
Wife: Be quick please, we only have a small window
Me: Actually its about 2 metres wide
Wife: Groan

"From where you are, i'ld say about 5 metres" hah hah...

Ok so my Dad was helping me move into my new uni accommodation last month and in the process we had to carry a lot of heavy boxes up my rather steep stairs.

Understandably, being a man in his 50's, he was a little bit worn out after lugging several metre-by-metre crates up to my room, generally full of heavy electrical equipment and books. After letting out a deep sigh he exhaled - 'Crikey, this is like the Great Stairs Crisis of 1965!'.

To my knowledge, or indeed to anyone else's knowledge (including my dad's), so such crisis ever occurred. I just hope he didn't hear my housemate sniggering in his room downstairs*; he does love a good dad joke.

*Ironically I've noticed that laughing at Dad jokes tends to make said Dad more depressed than when you don't, since they're usually fully aware of how bad their joke is and laughing at it only serves to remind them of the fact that people are actually paying attention to the regrettable nonsense which often leaves their mouths.

A π-thon

A πthon

A π-thon