I don't care how big the spider is, nobody steals my shoe.
Catching up to me was no small feet.
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
He’s never going to give you up His movie collection
I had a thought. I wondered if vegetarians had the same effect, while mowing their lawn.
I've been with that doctor for 15 years.
Nobody accepts the Spanish ink decision.
I was seeing stars all night.
He couldn’t get over it.
I said "Nah, I'll probably just put it up in the living room"
Apparently they were Meringue-utans.
“There was a schism in the chasm.”
but I had to quit because it was just boring.
It was a real He-Shed She-Shed situation.
it was 100 feet long
A massive weight off her shoulders.
She was crying because she doesn't like grapes.
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
So a Ute pulls into work with a massive turkey on the back in a cage. When the driver steps out to make their purchase I say: “I don’t know what you’re feeding that dog but he looks terrible!”
She didn’t even give me a courtesy laugh.
A meowtain.
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Context: I'm in a DnD campaign, for fifth edition.
So basically, one of my characters told a horrible pun to a planetar (Massive angel-like being) over Sending (A spell letting you communicate over long distances). "Whaddya call a celestial who likes to fish? An angel-er." and then he got asked to put his journal in the box that suddenly appeared behind hm, He complied, and when he got it back his name was gone from the first page of the book, and there was a golden box, that read "Tell me what I've pun, wizard" So I'm assuming he needs to answer in some sort of pun related to his name, Klaus Hallowmantle.
However, my brain is smoother than... I can't think of anything to compare it to all of a sudden. Oh well. Anyone who can help me with this?
One man was left in a korma ....
Dad joke no. 67 copyright Crap Dad Jokes
I think everyone should Romaine calm.
Massively Multiprayer Online
My son's been drinking whisky that's only aged for two years.
He's the dumbest thirteen-year-old I've ever met.
I made Massachusetts live up to its name.
I think he ran some ware
I have a friend who i care for a lot, but sometimes he can be annoying, lets call him Bobby.
I had hit my head and had a nasty bump and bruise dead-center in my forehead.
Bobby: wow! whats this fellas new name? (pointing at my bruise)
Me: His name is Bobby! he is a massive headache.
We still laugh about that one
We've made a massive mistake
i was at a wedding and one persons suit was marvel characters and my dad says "well that's just marvelous"
I only have super fish oil injuries and I'm lucky I wasn't krilled!
Everyone looked really fly...
also there was a massive line for the cloakroom.
A fungal infection
It's a massive emotional wrench.
