How does a rubber-band thank its listeners?
My wife often complains that I'm a poor listener
But the truth is, I've a terrible sense of direction.
I always get lost in my thoughts.
Why is corn a good listener?
I hear corny people are the best listeners....
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
Why do people think border collies are such good listeners?
Because they act like they always herd you.
Which vegetable is the best listener?
People who are good listeners...
Are actually ear-responsible
Sure, Van Gogh was a great painter, but he was also a great listener
Our radio station's best listeners are at the jail
They are mostly a captive audience.
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
Why do electricians listen to news radio when they work?
To keep up with current events.
I fell at work and cracked my tailbone. Now I can’t sit down and I have to listen to everyone’s wise cracks..
All in all it’s been a real pain in the ass!
How do ghost listen to music?
My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.
She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely
I have a tendency to not listen to people properly.
The doctor says it's because I've got 80HD.
Do you wanna know what kind of music windmills listen to?
Barry Allen likes to listen to The Rolling Stones when he workouts
His favorite is “jumpin’ jack flash”
I listen to every type of music except heavy metal
Because heavy metals are toxic.
(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)
I like to listen to music as I fall asleep, so I tuned the radio to the Metal station
I've always been a heavy sleeper.
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
My wife just said: "You never listen to me!"
And I thought that was a weird way to start a conversation.
My wife tells me not to listen to the voices that bring me down and make me feel worthless.
She also complains that I never listen to her.
Me: “Oh, I wish I’d listened to my mother” Friend: “Why? What’d she tell you?”
Me: “I don’t know, I wasn’t listening”
Anyone listened to the mountain joke?
If not u should cause it’s hil-arious
What kind of music do they listen to in the Czech Republic?
Listening to The Who Won't Fooled Again
We start talking about Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
"He must be a king."
"How do you know?"
"He 'asn't got shit all over 'im."
Dad says "CSI:Medieval!"
He laughed at his own joke so hard I thought he was going to hurt himself.
What do you call a narwhal that won’t listen?
An ignarwhal.
Just told this one to my 6 year old daughter. complete crack up. Enjoy it while it lasts.
A kid asked his dad, "what kind of music did you listen to growing up?" The dad said "I was big into Led Zeppelin." The son asked "who?"
"Yeah" the dad replied, "I liked them too."
What happens when you listen to a Death song 1,000 times?
It becomes a Megadeth song
"All you're doing is listening to what I say to tell me I'm wrong!"
I kept telling my brother not to put the Q-tip in too deep, but he never listens to my words.
It goes into one ear, and out the other.
I hate it when my wife says "Are you listening to me?!"
Such a random way to start a conversation.
My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
What sort of music did cave men listen to?
My Wife Constantly Asks If I’m Listening to What She’s Saying
Such a weird way to start a conversation.
An answer in a listening test was "specific background material" and a classmate asked if it was ok to just write "background material"
The teacher said it had to be specific
My wife says I have two flaws
I don’t listen and then something else
What music do chickens listen to?
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
What do liberal metalheads listen to?
I let my cat outside today but when I started listening to Daft Punk she rushed back inside
I guess she is more of a house cat
Today I found out that you can actually hear the blood flowing through your veins.
You just have to listen varicosely.
I've been listening to Pink Floyd for an hour.
I think I'll skip to track 2 now.
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"
What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
My wife tells me I have 2 major faults,
I don't listen - and something else.
I tried telling my friend some deer fun facts but he wasn't interested in listening to me.
I feel he isn't fawned of them.
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10." But what I still don’t get is why...
She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
What kind of music do they listen to in the czech republic?
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to:
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