Letter W Puns

He then said that's what you are son

The only ones who didn't respond were the letters T, X and Y.

So W and Z ordered 23 catered meals: 2 for them and 21 for their guests.

The wedding was great, but there was trouble at the reception. The letter T came, even though she didn't RSVP.

When the meals were being passed out, the chef served the groom (W) and bride (Z) first, then asked everyone else to line up alphabetically to come get their prepared plates. As the last two letters approached the chef, he said "there must be a mistake. I only have one meal left." Just then, T grabbed the last meal, and rudely said to the other letter "Sucks to be U."

Ends with an E and only has one letter in it?

>!Envelope!<

I told him they were the letters of recommendation.

The poster reads:

"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."

The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room.

30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.

"Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?" he asks himself.

20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running website for the store.

He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well... you're a dog."

The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer." on the poster, and the manager sighs.

"There's no way you're bilingual."

The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."

One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it.

So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T".

Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.

I got a letter from DHL, they said that I have an outstanding balance. It wasn't much though.

You mix up two letters and your whole joke is urined.

While traveling to a cookout at my dads house, my wife (W) was working through the alphabet with my son (s)

Letter “I”: W: “ I is for..... iguana” S: “iguana.... iguana go outside.” W: looks at me. I look at him. S: (in his best dad style, cheesy laugh) “ha, ha.”

He had no idea what he said. But gosh we got a kick out of it.

…the other four letters?

Her: “Writing a letter.”

Me: “Which one? S? K? M?”

There was a bunch of Canadians sitting around the table and one guy suggested they start naming letters their country name should contain. One person said “C, eh?” A second person said “N, eh?” A third person said “D, eh?”

Letter B Letter B Letter B Yeah Letter B Speaking words of wisdom Letter B

But those letters aren't silent, they're just waiting their turn

Because the rest of the letters were not-E.

Don’t know? Ok I’d better post the letter myself...

"Smiles", because there's a mile between the first and last letter.

Remember, only come here for cringe, Because this is the ultimate Pun Collection.

1. What does McDonalds say to the tray when it betrays them? "You traytor!"
2. Does Spider Man live in an egg? Because i heard he lives in New Yolk.
3. These puns aren't very eggciting.
4. lettuce taco bout it?
5. I will asalt you with puns!
6. What if your problem involves telling a phone? JUST TELEPHONE ALREADY!
7. What if Jake stands close to Johnny when talking? He Here's Johnny!
8. Stop asalting my hard with your judging pursesonality!
9. I'll play the Yandere Simulater later.
10. You herd about that show? It's called Spongebob Swearpants.
11. Why did you diss stew me? (kinda hard to get, but just say it out loud.)
12. What does someone say sarcastically in the middle of an intense war that was caused by someone? TANKS TO YOU!
13. What type of plane that loves bounce? Boeing!
14. How many money did we owe? It said it on the letter right? I don't know, you should've reddit!

I'm sorry for the cringe...

"I love u too. It's my favorite letter."

But after the first two letters, it seemed a little “seedy”

me: i'm terrified of random letters

therapist: you are?

me: [screams]

therapist: oh i see

me: [screaming intensifies]

The letter b.

Last month I got a letter from February of Nickels.

But it is a five letter clue for a crossword puzzle.

My wife and I are on the sofa and I lean in for a cuddle.

She says: "careful I'm holding a tea!"

And I say: "and I'm holding you, so I guess we're both holding letters of the alphabet"

Believe or not she actually laughed at this one.

Reverse the letters

A friend of mine made a sweater out of alphabet soup and a needle.

I asked "how'd you manage that one?"

He said, "it was easy once I put together a string of letters"

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

the rest of the letters come aughter it.

I went to get my mail and saw a snail chewing an envelope.

I thought "Poor guy is confused".

So I picked him up and said "No, stupid. Lettuce. Not letters. Lettuce".

It's just a 'q' with a bunch of silent letters waiting in a line.

Husband: emphatic no, five letters Wife: never H: pistol, three letters W: gun H: disgust, three letters W: ugh H: charity, four letters W: give H: female sheep, three letters W: ewe H: Pixar movie, two letters W: Up

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

But then they wanted anada letter

Now they're sending me threatening letters!

when you remove the other 24 letters

by using only lowercase letters.

A single letter “n”

Her: Ok. How many letters?

Me: Too many.

Spoonerism: a verbal error in which a speaker accidentally transposes the initial sounds or letters of two or more words, often to humorous effect.

Three letters.

So my mother was going for a theme with my brothers and I; all of our names would start with the letter D, however my name is Andrew.. see the joke is my brothers names are (in order) Damien, Devon, [and Drew][Andrew] so there you go

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a bo

He gets to right letters to the editor.

Then I saw the next two letters...

'How many letters were there?' There were loads in there!

I said “Well then, go ahead” “A-W-E— wait what’s the next letter?”

Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, 'Dad'.

With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad.

She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.

She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.

I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home!"

Now they’re sending me threatening letters.

It’s like OCD. But the letters are in alphabetical order. As they should be.

All you have to do is rearrange the letters.

I call it Letter-rip!

Well, I did all that, but when I went back and asked what I was supposed to do with the letters, she just kicked me out and said she was calling the cops.

He wemt to his mum, who was doing work, and asked, "mum, whats the first letter of the alphabet?"

Mum: Shut up and go away!

Kid goes to his dad, who just got a perfect score in darts, and says: Dad, whats the second letter of the alphabet?

Dad: 180!!

Walks to older brother who was playing batman video games: whats the third letter of the alphabet?

Brother: na na na na na na na na BATMAN!

Walks up to younger brother playing with toys: whats the 4th letter of the alphabet?

Brother: driving my little red car.

Kid rolls up to school, ready to recite the first 4 letters of the alphabet.

Teacher: whats the first letter?

Kid: Shut up and go away!!

Teacher: HOW MANY HOURS OF DETENTION DO YOU WANT

Kid: 180!!

Teacher: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

Kid: na na na na na na na na BATMAN

Teacher: HOW DO YKU THINK YOULL GET AWAY WITH THIS?!?

Kid: Driving my little red car

Designated by the letters AH, it is of course the Element of Surprise.

If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN they get VERY ANGRY.

A new postman on a route sees that in outgoing mail are several letters he delivered a day before. He thinks it's odd and redelivers them to the right mail boxes. Next day he sees the same letters again and he gets curious and sees that they all were addressed to same street. He redelivers them again to the right mailboxes. Same thing happens on the third day, so he thinks hard and formulates a hypothesis. He wants to confirm it, so he decides to stop his route delivery and wait there rest of the day.

Around 7 pm, he sees 4 men come to the mailbox, take their letters and put them back into the outgoing bin. The postman runs over to them and asks "hey, you guys use Reddit?" - they say "yeah, how did you know?", The postman says "all that reposting is pissing me off guys"

One letter. Duh.

The leader of the country pull random letters and announced them first he drew a C so he said “C ey” then he drew a N so he said “N ey” then he drew a D so he said “D ey” and ever since then it’s been called Canada

I accidentally dropped it! But,i caught it before it dropped to the floor. Then i realised...
I was holding on to "Dear Life,"
After i gave the letter to him,he gave me lemons,i still don't know why though,but i made lemonade,it just felt right.

I bet you didn't notice I put a letter in there either.

You just checked. You now realized there is no letter.

You also didn't realise I replaced the 'L' in 'letter' with an 'I'.

And now you realised that I didn't.

Have a nice day and enjoy.

I call it "Letter Rip."

The letter "K" is inside "J" "L"

Why are there so many singles working in the rope factory? Letters are: P,I,H,Y,E,T,O,L,A,N,K Thanks :) Edit: found it, they all hope to tie the knot

DAD: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
SON: Envelope.

‚Smiles‘ because there is a mile between its first and last letters!

Because the rest of the letters were not-E.

A Canadian man is told to write a paper on a letter, so he says

An "S," eh?

Me: I'm terrified of random letters.

Therapist: Are you?

Me: [screams]

Therapist: Oh I see.

Me: [screaming intensifies]

You swap two letters and your whole post is urined.

It has to many letters

Short

Edit: I mean. 5 letters word

The letter Arrrrrrrr?

No. The "C".

the rest of the letters come aughter it.

You mix up two letters and your entire statement is URINED

Then I saw the next two letters...

Because the other letters are waiting in line.

I didn't know why the baseball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.

I'm know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I didn't know where the boomerang went. And then it came to me.

Did you hear about the guy who's left arm was cut off? He's all right now.

I didn't like my beard. And then it grew on me.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the blue.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Nope. Unintended.

Hope this made your day! If I get a lot of upvotes I'll make Part 2.

I didn't know why the baseball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.

I'm know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I didn't know where the boomerang went. And then it came to me.

Did you hear about the guy who's left arm was cut off? He's all right now.

I didn't like my beard. And then it grew on me.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the blue.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Nope. Unintended.

Hope this made your day! If I get a lot of upvotes I'll make Part 2.

Because the other letters are waiting in line.

Then I saw the next two letters...

You can mess up just two letters and your whole post is urined

Her: Sure, what is it?

Me: “Overworked postmen.”

Her: But how many letters?

Me: Too many.

Her: Sure. What is it?

Me: The clue is “Overworked Postman”.

Her: But how many letters?

Me: Too many.

Then I saw the next two letters...

Unless the clue is: “Narcotics, five letters.”

..It's like OCD, but the letters are in the right order.

A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store. The poster reads:

"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."

The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room.

30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.

"Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?" he asks himself.

20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running "Hello, world" program.

He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well... you're a dog."

The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer." on the poster, and the manager sighs.

"There's no way you're bilingual."

The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."

If you ever end up having to entertain kids around kindergarten age (5 or 6 years old) here are some jokes you can use.

Write the letter Y on a board or piece of paper. Ask, "Can you tell me what this letter is?" and they'll say "Y", to which you respond, "Because I want to know how smart you are."

After a bit of back and forth you can look exasperated that they don't get it (when of course it is you who don't get it), then say, "Okay here's an easy one, can you tell me what this word is?" Write down the word NO and of course the kids will say "NO" and you can say, "You don't know what this word is?" or "You know what it is but you won't tell me?" Kids usually think it's hilarious that an adult can be this dense.

For kids who can spell words, you can use ones like "duck" and then when they say it you can duck as if something is coming at you.

But I wooden letter