๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jan 18 2009
Lawyer says, my client is trapped in a penny
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Jan 16 2021
My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer
He could never pass the bar
๐︎ 59
๐
︎ Jan 13 2021
How could a tailor become such a good lawyer?
Because he had lots of experience in sewing.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Jan 15 2021
My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...
๐︎ 12
๐
︎ Dec 23 2020
Why canโt alcoholics become lawyers?
Because they can never just pass a bar.
๐︎ 11
๐
︎ Jan 13 2021
The lawyer always kept losing his cases
He didn't mind cause he was practicing
๐︎ 13
๐
︎ Dec 30 2020
What do lawyers wear to work?
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ Dec 23 2020
What does a lawyer wear to work?
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Dec 21 2020
Whatโs a lawyerโs least favorite cheese?
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Nov 18 2020
Why did the strawberry get a lawyer?
โCause it was in a jam!
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Dec 11 2020
What did the lawyer use when he went fishing?
Deโbaitโ!
or, alternate punchline:
Bating tactics!
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Dec 06 2020
Gotta be a lawyer pursuing rap
Call myself the bar inspector
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Dec 13 2020
Iโm not saying a word without my lawyer present
Cop: But you are the lawyer?
Me: Then whereโs my present?
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Nov 12 2020
You shouldnโt take a lawyerโs advice over emails
Because that would be
E-legal.
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Nov 22 2020
Why did the lawyer yell at his housekeeper?
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Nov 23 2020
When I become a lawyer, I want to defend a penguin....
Just so I can say, "Your honour!! My client clearly isn't a flight risk."
๐︎ 12
๐
︎ Nov 15 2020
My lawyer advised me of a hernia mesh replacement lawsuit
Sounds like a huge pain in the butt
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Oct 14 2020
I heard you can get lawyers at Ikea now.
They're very affordable, but you have to build your own case.
๐︎ 21
๐
︎ Oct 25 2020
When asexual become lawyers they're
๐︎ 15
๐
︎ Sep 24 2020
Lawyer - Is it crime to throw salt in someone's eyes?
Judge - Yes, that's assault!
Lawyer - I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
๐︎ 32
๐
︎ Sep 25 2020
What did the lawyer say when he put his luggage to sleep?
๐︎ 23
๐
︎ Sep 10 2020
My wife has a lawyer's boobs
๐︎ 46
๐
︎ Aug 07 2020
Lawyer vs. Tailor
Tailor: you said the there was one hole the pocket only, there are definitely more!
Lawyer: I lied, sew me!
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Sep 06 2020
Did you know that lawyers are buried 12 feet deep when they die?
Apparently deep down they are good people.
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Oct 21 2020
The biggest fan of U2 was a penniless lawyer
Everything he did was pro Bono
๐︎ 15
๐
︎ Jul 30 2020
A Renaissance era lawyer lost his law license for insulting the king...
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Sep 21 2020
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Sep 01 2020
My wife's mother is a lawyer.
๐︎ 113
๐
︎ Jun 14 2020
If you get in an accident and need to see a lawyer about it, just be careful..
They'll add consult to injury
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Sep 24 2020
I stole a lawyerโs underwear right before court.
Thereโs no way heโll succeed without his legal briefs.
๐︎ 77
๐
︎ Jun 28 2020
My complete jerk of a brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer!
Dad calls him "Chop Suey."
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ Aug 23 2020
What Do You Call a Lawyerโs Underwear?
Legal briefs
I canโt take credit for this joke; I got it from Frasier.
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Aug 17 2020
A man sitting in an interrogation room says โIโm not saying anything without my lawyer present!โ
The policeman says โYou are the lawyer!โ
โExactly, so whereโs my present?โ Replies the lawyer.
๐︎ 36
๐
︎ Jul 28 2020
A lawyer wakes up after surgery
He asks the nurse why the blinds are drawn.
She says, "There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."
๐︎ 13
๐
︎ Jul 13 2020
What's a lawyer's favorite town?
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Aug 07 2020
How do lawyers say goodbye ?
๐︎ 26
๐
︎ Jul 16 2020
What kind of letter does a lawyer send a chemist he wants to stop doing something?
A cesium and desist letter.
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Aug 10 2020
What do you call a preist turned lawyer?
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jul 07 2020
What did the picture tell the lawyer?
Help! Iโve been framed.
๐︎ 66
๐
︎ May 24 2020
Two lawyers were comparing clients.
The first one claims his client is trapped in a penny. Answering the second lawyer's confused look, he says, "My client is in a cent."
the second lawyer nods, then says, "Well. My client is a fish head steeped in hot water. You could say he's gill tea."
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Jul 03 2020
Me: Iโm not saying a word without my lawyer present, Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Me: So whereโs my present?!
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Nov 08 2020
What did the lawyer use when he went fishing?
๐︎ 13
๐
︎ Sep 11 2020
What does a lawyer wear to court
๐︎ 83
๐
︎ May 30 2020
A man in an interrogation room says, โIโm not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"
The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So whereโs my present?!"
๐︎ 12k
๐
︎ Jun 09 2019
What type of underwear do lawyers wear to court?
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Jun 21 2020
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