I guess he got cold feet.
The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him “This is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining “jingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. “Rudolph” “Frosty the Snowman” “Drummer Boy” even “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. “ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. “NO honey it really works watch!” “Im going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. “WAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out “CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”
just disappointed.
For a moment, I thought he was gone with the Schwinn.
I didn’t watch but heard something on the news about the 92nd Oscars ceremony last night.
Cramen
They're never well thawed out.
He said, “It may be easy for you to say ‘hun, I do’, but I cantaloupe.”
This year, I will try to beat that but, I usually get bored and end up turning over to watch something else...
It was a list of the people that made the movie!
This joke and an anti vaxxer.
http://imgur.com/7c4bFwj
I can list them all but some of my favourite are:
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone and then it dawned on me.
Whenever the cashier asks me if I want the milk in the bag I say "no just leave it in the carton"
Why was the policeman sleeping in his car? It was arrest stop!
I attached all of my watches together to make a belt. It was a waist of time
Wear a grey shirt and hold two items in your hands comparing weights. Congratulations you are now a greyscale.
but I ran out of thyme.
Wear beach cloths and draw sin/cos plots over your body. Congratulations, you are "showing off your tan lines"
Her: I hate cold weather. It makes me all cough-y
Me: What flavor?
Her: Flavor? Wha-- Ugh.. Cough, "coffee," I get it. You're retarded and I hate you..
