Hey wanna know a billionaires kryptonite?

Antimony!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Steelalloy
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, β€œNOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, β€œThat’s Superman…”

β€œThanks, man, ” he replied, β€œI’ve been practicing it a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 21k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostPotency
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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β€ͺAn evil French chef mixes Kryptonite in their treats and flings them at Superman. Batman arrives on the scene but does nothing, allowing Jimmy Olsen to catch the pastries in a net, at which point Superman saves the day. It’s like they say:

Not all heroes snare crepes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atruthtellingliar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Kryptonite is basically a calendar.

A Kal ender.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spiderpool123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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I'm a teacher and I like to do superhero impressions before class to put students in a good mood.

The other day I told them I was going to do an imitation of Batman, so I started off with:

"Argh… kryptonite, getting weaker…"

"THAT'S SUPERMAN!" a student in the back row yelled

"Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot", I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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I told my son I would do a Batman impression for him.

Me: β€œOh no! Kryptonite! My only weakness!”

Son: β€œThat’s Superman.”

Me: β€œThank you very much! I’ve been practicing.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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So I work at a record studio.

It's called superman records. One day, this bald, big-shot lookin fellow comes in saying "I need some kryptonite." I point. "Three doors down."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ultraferret107
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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What did a teenage superman never reply with?

A friend: Are you going tonight?

S: Nah, staying in my kryptonite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hexathymia
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
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What did Superman say to the mummy?

Meet me by the kryptonite.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2SP00KY4ME
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, β€œNOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, β€œThat’s Superman…”

β€œThanks, man, ” he replied, β€œI’ve been practising it a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkSideDweller
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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My son asked me, β€œDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, β€œGo on, then.” He shouted, β€œNOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I laughed, β€œThat’s Superman.”

He said, β€œThanks dad, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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My son asked me, β€œDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, β€œGo on, then.” He shouted, β€œNOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I laughed, β€œThat’s Superman!”

He replied, β€œThanks dad! I’ve been practicing a lot!"

πŸ‘︎ 741
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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Dad to his son; β€œDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?”

Son; β€œGo on, then.”

Dad growls; β€œNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”

Son; β€œThat’s Superman.”

Dad; β€œThanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/exmoor456
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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I said to my son, β€œDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression?”

He said, "Sure dad!"

I shouted, β€œNOT THE KRYPTONITE!”

He said, β€œThat’s Superman!”

I said, β€œThanks son, I’ve been practicing a lot!”

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2017
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