What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin
.
Edit: thank you guys so much for the rewards! I was told this joke from my 9 year old sister, she was well chuffed to see all the votes and people thinking she was funny
I’ve just been charged for using sandpaper to kill my victim.
I only wanted to rough him up a bit.
My girlfriend says if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me.
...it’s a matter of wife or death.
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
He asked them who their favorite composer was and they all said "Bach Bach Bach Bach"
We shouldn't kill mosquitos, guys.
After all, they and we are of the same blood
I am sick and tired of people calling me lazy, so I'm going to kill myself.
But, the gun is all the way over there.
Pun enters a room, kills 10 people....
You know the animal that kills the most people in the world?
How do you kill a circus?
What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
In Ancient Rome, there were four types of poisons. Poisons I, II, and III would kill you instantly.
Poison IV would just make you kinda itchy
"No, I'm a talking tree, don't kill me!"
Whats green and fuzzy and would kill you if it jumped on you from a tree?
What’s it called when you kill chickpeas?
How do you kill a BLUE elephant?
Shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun.
How do you kill a PINK elephant?
.
.
.
.
Hold it's nose until it turns blue then shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun.
My neutered cat wants to kill me
But he doesn't have the balls.
It turns out the capitol rioter did NOT accidentally kill himself with a taser to the balls and the story was just made up to disrespect him...
I don't think anyone is shocked.
(Source: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/capitol-riot-taser-death)
How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Stark’s parents?
Sometimes John Wick likes to kill quietly.
Whats the last thing a serial killer hears before he kills his next victim
My wife said there was a large fly buzzing around our bedroom and told me to go kill it. I rolled my eyes and said she should call 911. She asked why.
I responded: So they can send the swat team.
Let's go kill time!
Daughter: Dad im gonna call 911.
Me: why?
Daughter: Youre going to Kill time.
My wife screamed in pain during labour so I asked, "What's wrong?". She screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry, honey." I replied. "What is wrong?"
(True story) My GF asked me to kill a spider in the bathroom today.
It was so small that I couldn't even see it at first. She had to point it out, a tiny brown pinhead crawling up our slightly-darker-brown cabinet about knee-high.
"How did you even see that?" I asked.
And she answered, "With my spider-sense."
I love this woman so, so much.
What's it called when you kill a friend?
How do you call when a person kills his best friend?
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Except for a grizzly bear. That always kills you.
How do you "kill the lights"?
You hang them from the ceiling
I went back in time to kill the person that made bread.
Now he yeasts to exist.
One I came up with myself
My friend said he wanted to bang his mom and kill his dad.
I told him that was some freudulent thinking.
What’s yellow and kills you if you get it in the eyes?
What has 2 butts and kills people?
An assassin
Thank you! I’ll be here all night
What has 2 butts and kills people ?
What has two butts and kills people?
What has two butts and kills people?
What is big, green and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
Pun walks into a room with 10 people and kills them all.
What's green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree
What's green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree on you, it will kill you?
A pun walks into a bar and kills ten people.
What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
Why did Beethoven kill all of his chickens?
They were going, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.
The process is a little painstaking.
Whats green has 6 legs and if it fell out of a tree on top of you it would kill you.
What’s big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and will kill you if it falls on you out of a tree?
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