I’ve been self isolating with coronavirus

Above all, I’ve found it tough to stay positive.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charlietd76
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a self isolating director

Quentin Quarantino

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an isolated tree?

A quaran-tree-ne

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/STRG9
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
In Europe we use ISOlation...

And in America we use ANSIlation

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/francistheoctopus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Kid: Dad, what's the opposite of isolate?

Dad: Yousoearly

πŸ‘︎ 871
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shafiqueg
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Isolation madness product
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VitaminKW
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œFrom a neighbor who posts dad jokes on little signs in his front yard. Started during the isolation to cheer up the community”

β€œCOVID19 DAY20

Ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I’ll let you know”

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zomida
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a 13 year old muslim stuck in self isolation?

A Qur'anteen

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amethhead
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the lead singer of disturbed isn’t going to self isolate?

He’s down with the sickness.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/E-radi-cate
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Self isolation is getting so bad I’m starting to crush on my roommate.

And we’ve been married more than 27 years!

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Agonda12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Now that people are isolated and bored they make a lot more dad jokes

It's a true pundemic

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/12DaK12
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought we're supposed to isolate in order to "flatten the curve,"

but I'm only getting fatter.

-My dad

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zatosu_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Elf isolation #COVID19 #Coronavirus
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourDadsMumComedy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
How does Santa Clause prevent himself from getting coronavirus?

By santatising

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0lSherlockl0
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't Santa Claus have to worry about catching COVID-19?

Because he has Santa-bodies.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeefEater81
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked me what the opposite of isolate is.

I told her yousoearly

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πŸ‘€︎ u/den_nis3524
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I have to self-isolate for 7 days

That's week

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banks987
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I grew a beard in isolation and I asked my daughter "Should I shave my beard?β€œ she said "No Dad, it's grown on me"

I said "Funnily enough it's grown on me too!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NerdonSight
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Think I’ll self-isolate in my tent..

Just call me Tentin’ Quarantino.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tab232
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
To escape the Coronavirus, I wish I’d had time to isolate myself on Noman.

Noman is an island.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
During this virus outbreak, I'll be isolated with my bottles of booze.

I call it my... liqourantine.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSygil
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a healthcare worker that doesn’t self-isolate after contracting COVID-19?

A hippocritic oaf.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phaedruswine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
To everyone who has to self-isolate because of Coronavirus…

Hope you have all bases COVID

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitpanowner
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Two sick Caskets in a Coronavirus isolation ward. One says to the other...

...was that you Coffin ?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that less toys have been made this year in Santa’s workshop?

Many of his workers had to Elf Isolate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
If you like remote, isolated vacations, do not go to Rio de Janeiro.

There's a Brazilian people there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Daughter: "Can Santa catch the coronavirus?"

Me: "Probably not, he's really good at elf-isolation"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If you have isolated bug bites

Are they considered troglobites?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alyxthekid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did Santa get coronavirus

He wasn’t elf isolating.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecentFisherman3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Police report says someone was stealing rockwool from a construction site downtown.

Turns out it was an isolated incident.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reddnvb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Electricians during this rough period...

Just as a matter of interest will Electricians be "self isolating" under the "current" situation and staying at "Ohm" ?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andyginn12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Pants...

or as professionals call it: leg isolation

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superheld595
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Sticky situation youtu.be/U_YBzJBa_mA
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norspur
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
The governor banned gatherings of more than eighteen crows.

They’re supposed to isolate themselves from corvid nineteen.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgri0b
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Which type of weather is best suited to a pandemic?

Isolated showers.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Koala_J
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
There is no whey I will do a protein joke.

Might get isolated

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my priest for advice

My buddy has a bad back so I often go over his house to help his wife with yard work or moving furniture, etc. Currently, were all home because of the quarantine so it seems like the perfect time to get some things done.

Well, I've been isolated for a week and I have no reason to think I've been exposed, but I was a little anxious cause I have had a bit of a scratchy throat these past two days.

So I asked my priest if he thought it was okay to go over and help my buddy's wife with some yard work.

He replied, "do not covid your neighbors wife."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RangerHikes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just had a huge argument with my wife due to being stuck with her in lockdown at home...

Thankfully, it's just an isolated incident.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sgtbuckles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the variable so lonely?

Because everyone isolated them

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magictreehousekid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Old joke, my daughter loved it.

A trio of explorers were hiking through the Congo and found a small village that was very isolated and not on any map. The villagers turned out to speak English very well, and informed the adventurers very politely that theirs was a village of cannibals and they were to be cooked and eaten, and their hides tanned and turned into canoes for the villagers, but they would allow them to take their own life however they saw fit.

The first man asks for a sharp knife, slices his wrists open, and mutters "Lay me down and bleed a while, and ne'er up again."

The second man asks for his revolver, says "For God and Country!" and shoots himself in the head.

The last man asks for a fork, and stabs himself repeatedly screaming "Fuck your canoe!"

πŸ‘︎ 239
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimvoluntaryist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
🚨︎ report
What happens to photographers when they make bad puns all the time?

They get ISOlated

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akol404
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2014
🚨︎ report
dadjoked by a student...

I got dad-joked by a 12 year old today talking about plot elements: Me: so, the climax of Frozen is when Princess Elsa realizes she's trapped in fear in her ice castle and--- Kid: yeah miss lissy666! That must've been soooo isolating!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lissy666
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2014
🚨︎ report
What is the opposite of isolate?

Yousoearly

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fanoran
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The opposite of isolate is....

yousoearly

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ht-18
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report

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