Hey y'all,
I posted last night that I made it through our first night of isolation with the in laws. That said, looking at the days ahead of me, I have an uphill battle to climb.
This is my first holiday season where I've tried to be sober since my mom drunkenly froze to death on Christmas nine years ago. Needless to say, there are a lot of emotions I am processing this holiday season and I've been proud of myself for powering through.
That said, the way I've been able to do it is through borderline neurotic planning. Running, birding, social activities, work, have all been ways to reinforce my resolve in not drinking. Literally all of that is out the window right now and I'm stuck inside with my in-laws in their house for the next however many number of days.
It's honestly kind of hilarious the situation this has planned out to be and feels like some sort of test from a mischievous superior being.
Which all brings me to my point, what are some activities I can focus on that can help me in my trip. Here's what I'm thinking:
- Board games
- Cooking
- YouTube excercise vids
Give me life y'all. I want to make it through today and the rest of this week without boozing.
The Christmas period can be tough for me, but New Year's Eve always makes me emotional. Leding up to it, I was on a slippery slope with alcohol consumption. This year has felt worse because of the pandemic, and my own feelings of being isolated. Anyone else suffer this way at this time of year? I've decided to share my thoughts about this in a pretty intimate way on my blog. Anyone interested can read it here: https://darrenscothern.com/2022/01/03/part-72-the-eve-of-destruction/
https://preview.redd.it/sazfrnolmi981.jpg?width=551&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5f68a7ccc21b8c16f50578e3f0a93b3c26815f1c
I am single, unemployed, and live alone. I've been an alcoholic for 15 years. Lost my career, fiancé, money because of my drinking. I struggle to stay sober because I am basically entirely isolated from anyone i know and the pandemic will keep it that way for a while. I am currently sober but I can't see this sober streak lasting throughout the Christmas holidays.
I will struggle not to drink over Christmas. Sitting alone in my shitty apartment last year on Christmas made me consider suicide. This year will be even worse because my city will probably go into lockdown again soon.
I don't want to drink but just not strong enough to deal with the isolation sober...
I have no idea who originally posted this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!
My mom heard on Bob And Tom radio show that alcohol consumption has went up to 60% due to self isolation. That is good news.
We are carrying out a study examining how people across the world are coping with social isolation during the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, and in particular, how this is affecting alcohol consumption. Taking part would involve completing some questionnaires (~25-30 min) and then completing a short survey each week that you are isolated relating to your experience of the isolation and your alcohol consumption (~10-min/week). You can choose to either complete both parts of the study (i.e., the initial 25-30 minute survey and the weekly surveys), just the first 25-30 survey, or to not participate at all. If you are interested in taking part, and are at least 18 years old and drink alcohol (i.e., you are not tee-total) please click on the link for more information.
https://portsmouthpsych.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_4P0nOxe7x0qmmIR?source=Reddit
Background: My brother has been struggling with alcohol for over a decade and remains hesitant to get treatment (even just meeting with a therapist). He moved in with me last year, with the idea that it might be a better environment for him, as he was living by himself in the worst of the pandemic and was very lonely and depressed.
Initially it was really nice, until some point in the fall when he started to completely isolate in his room and stop communicating. No talking in person and no response to texts. There were all the telltale signs of drinking.
It stressed me the fuck out and was really hard to witness. This was the first time I had seen this up close and personal and it was really distressing to watch, as well as completely frustrating--living with someone who doesn't give you the time of day.
That's when I started to attend AlAnon meetings. I've been going about twice a week (on Zoom) for 3 months. So far I haven't felt they've been that helpful. People talk more about their personal challenges, work challenges, etc., rather than the alcoholics/effects of the alcoholics on their lives.
Currently: After a really good month (after he went on an extended vacation, he came back a new person), he has suddenly started to isolate again, communicating very little. I've talked to my friends, my family, my therapist, and no one really has anything to say. How do I calm myself down when a darkness settling into my home?
To preface: I have serious anxiety and depression. I probably have an autism spectrum disorder too I'm just still working on the whole official assessment thing. I've never understood social situations, and I go into sensory overload often as well as often having panic attacks. Understandably, I was bullied to hell and back all through school.
This has been an issue when I was younger and destroyed my chances of developing self esteem, it improved a bit since I started drinking but since trying to cut back it's become a major issue again and I'm in a hellish deja vu reliving all my old issues.
I'm trying to cut back my alcohol consumption, partly because my dad used to be an alcoholic and I don't want to go the same way but mostly cause my tolerance got too high and I couldn't afford it any more. I went on a night out with some close friends to somewhere really fun tonight. It fucking sucked.
I couldn't socialise, couldn't make myself sing or dance, could barely move at all even to blink unless both a drink had just hit and there was a song I like playing. Everything was too much, too scary, and not enjoyable. I left as soon as possible cause I feel so stupid when I shut down and it was starting to happen.
I didn't want to drink more than a cider tonight. I didn't enjoy anything I drank. But without drinking strong alcoholic drinks I was barely able to interact with my surroundings at all.
I know my closest friends would understand me wanting to quit or at least cut right back on drinking, but I still don't believe more than maybe three people in the world actually like me, and everyone else would be mad at me or just stop talking to me if I stopped drinking.
Also, I like drinking occasionally. It's fun.
Right now it feels like my only choices are to just become a full time alcoholic or to lose the first social circle I've ever had. I'm sick of it all. Getting out and seeing folk is one of very few things that helps my mental health, but I can't do it with this health, both physical and mental.
I feel stupid and useless and like I deserve to be eternally alone cause I'm incapable of interacting with people
