Look on the bright side, today will be the last time he sees 2020....
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Do You Hear What I Hear?
Martha was burning with curiosity
Chances are, you'll hear some cross words
That took a lot of balls.
Nucleotide Bond
β...my mother was never a young boy.β
It's Fucking intents
problem is i don't wake up until 7:15
They said their nights were intents....
It was pretty intents
It was intents
I think it followed ocean's ethical cod.
And import.
I said, "Can I please just shower in peace?"
She replied, "I have a bag in the freezer if you want some."
I stonefaced her but it brought a tear to me eye, she's gonna be such a good dad. ^(Explanation ^since ^I ^know ^someone ^will ^ask: ^peace ^sounds ^like ^peas)
- Pretending to pick fleas out of my kids hair and then eating them.
- Waving back at people who clearly aren't waving at me.
- Intentionally missing a high five.
- Pressing the car horn when I'm in the passenger seat and the teenager is driving slowly past other people.
- Answering "Yes dear" in a falsetto voice when one of the kids yells for mum.
What else have you got?
https://i.imgur.com/GlXV2kE.gifv
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The Nβs justify the means.
It wasn't intentional, but I rolled with it.
They'd be the powerhouse of the cell.
They were angry that I used fowl language
Me and my friends are sitting around the TV and listening listening to you get what you give by the Maine.
My one friend points to me and my other buddy, jim, and asks "didn't U2 do a cover of this?"
To which I reply "no I've never sang with Jim"
This happened today while cooking cookies, it got a bit hectic and things got misplaced.
"Why is there a knife in the fridge?"
"For cold cuts."
Cuz It's fucking intents
Chances are, youβll hear some crosswords.
You may hear some crosswords.
