Why doesn’t Santa have to provide health insurance for his workers?

They’re technically Elf employed

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrymmTravel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of health insurance do Halloween creatures have?

Medi-SCARE!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SideEyeandSigh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I am trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but the companies keep denying my application.

They told me, β€œIf your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone in my peer group was using State Farm for insurance...

So I decided to go with the Flo.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw an insurance commercial with a gay couple in it.

Guess it was Progressive.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of insurance do candles companies get?

Waxident insurance...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SillyTrain
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My son turned 27, so he's no longer covered by my health insurance.

In other words, his manufacturer's warranty is up.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MookieV
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
When you're driving but can't see that well...

Pretty much the first dad joke I've ever seen that requires a video punchline.

https://i.imgur.com/pfZya7P.gifv

Originally posted to /r/IdiotsInCars/ by /u/My_Memes_Will_Cure_U

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guriboysf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Earthquakes are rare in my area...

so I have no fault insurance.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jhuderis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of car insurance does a rat have?

Road Dent Insurance .

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gawd_of_oh_Lawd
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Getting good dental insurance...

...is like pulling teeth.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jspittman
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A girl on Tinder told me she wanted to be friends with benefits.

But I don't have health insurance or a retirement plan so I told her I couldn't.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call Batman insurance policies?

Dark Knight Returns

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackdragon8577
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Not a joke, but this just happened...

Took a really big dab (weed) and was coughing my brains out, which caused the following conversation between me and my wife:

Wife: "Are you going to make it?"

Me: "Nope.. Cough Hack ..You're gonna... cough ..be a... Hack hack ..widow!"

Wife: "Nooo, you can't die!"

Me: Hack "And I don't even.. cough ..have.. hack ...life insurance!" cough hack cough

Wife: "Wife Insurance?? What is that - If I break can you swap me out for a new one?? Do you mean a pre-nup??"

My body couldn't figure out what the fuck to do. Cough, Laugh, it even got confused and farted. Fucking hilarious.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmbivalentAsshole
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.

They said I have a pre existing condition.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
New glasses are $144 after insurance.

That’s gross!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwilightSolomon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Elon Musk’s car insurance must be astronomical!
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JingleCake
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I guess I have a bad driving record because only 1 insurance company would take me as a customer.

I had to go with the Flo.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of insurance does an i.t. guy have to sign up for?

Malware practice.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/refward
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad sells life insurance

And on his calendars he mails to his clients he put. β€œ[His Name], your agent for life”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaughingHyena12
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the best car insurance a snake can get?

Fully cobrahensive. 🐍

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonTheStarfish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that lady in the Progressive Insurance ads has been dating a rapper?

It's Flo Rida

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wuellig
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the orange refuse to get car insurance?

Because he already had... anti-accidents.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roastytoastywarm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: that was the insurance company

Dad: what’d they say? Me: they’ll pay me for the tow Dad: why do they want your big toe?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAbsentMinded1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I was sat next to an insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams last night.

And through it all, he offered me protection!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pmak13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.

They stole the sticker and left the car.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My nephew told me that he's never had vision insurance.

I told him he really should look into it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xerafoo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I have to write a paper about insurance, and I need to use in-text citations.

So I think I’ll get a quote.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A-Bomb_Firocious
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Kill Bill
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shu-chi-senpai
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
On an article about a woman who sawed her hand off to claim insurance
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmaxic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Where are our desssssks
πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HemperorSean
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
First born
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
If I got an ingrown toenail but my insurance didn't cover it...

Would I have to foot the bill?

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If number 666 is evil,

then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My local farmer's insurance had this outside their window.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbro00
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
A fishing boat recently capsized when the fish on one side of the net all swam down. Insurance refused to pay out.

They argued it was an act of cod.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegsAJimbo
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I phone up the insurance company about my Delorean and they wanted Β£2,000.

It’s ridiculous I only want to drive it from time to time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dave11899
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
After I bought my car I started feeling sick...

I guess you could say I got car-owner virus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bagle05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What would Fleetwood Mac get insurance for?

Landslides

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dorthraki
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I was trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but I was refused.

The company said, β€œIf your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to get tornado insurance for my camp site, but the bank refused.

They said, β€œIf your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to get insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.

They said, β€œIf your tent gets destroyed, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I tried to buy tornado insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.

They said, β€œIf your tents get blown over, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping

I wouldn't be covered.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CecilBlight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I tried to buy some tornado insurance for my campsite, but the company refused.

They said, β€œIf your tents get blown away, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to get some storm insurance for my campsite, but I was denied.

They said that if my tents get blown away, I won’t be covered.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report

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