What do medical insurance companies call an elective procedure?

A splurgery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathan_w
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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I am trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but the companies keep denying my application.

They told me, β€œIf your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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What kind of insurance do candles companies get?

Waxident insurance...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SillyTrain
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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I tried to get insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.

They said, β€œIf your tent gets destroyed, you won’t be covered.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
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My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.

They said I have a pre existing condition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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I guess I have a bad driving record because only 1 insurance company would take me as a customer.

I had to go with the Flo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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Me: that was the insurance company

Dad: what’d they say? Me: they’ll pay me for the tow Dad: why do they want your big toe?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAbsentMinded1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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I phone up the insurance company about my Delorean and they wanted Β£2,000.

It’s ridiculous I only want to drive it from time to time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dave11899
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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i started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...

it's called "oopsie daisies"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewBrisco
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2016
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I broke my leg and had to go on Short Term Disability

It really confused me when HR told me it was a STD.

(This actually happened to me. HR emailed my insurance company telling them that I have a STD injury. Now I use the joke all of the time)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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Kill Bill
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shu-chi-senpai
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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This Joke Lacks Bite

There are rumors of yet another Bill and Ted Sequel following the one in production. Reportedly, it will feature an older, toothless Keanu Reeves who is fighting with his insurance company.

Yeah, the working title: Billin' Ted for Bogus Dentures.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/P33J
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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A pot of noodle dough soup boiled over at the local Chinese restaurant and the place burned to the ground.

The insurance company determined it was a case of wonton negligence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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Finance Department

Me on the phone talking to insurance company: "finance department helped us"

Son [6] after phone call: "daddy what's the finance department?"

Me: "they helped us with money to buy the car"

Ridley "oh I thought they go find ants"

... I've been out done by a six year old...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/numberfourdad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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A tent company was robbed overnight.

The insurance company had to break it to them that they were no longer covered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flats3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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At work

Context: I work for an insurance company

Coworker- Man all these flood policy calls today.

Me- They really are flooding the lines.

Co workers gave me the derpiest face ever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoxyBrown88
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2015
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I'm surprised I'm not single yet

A little backstory: my girlfriend has had a small lizard living in her house recently. She's likened him to the mascot of a specific insurance company. Today, she found him looking rather ill and decided to release him outside.

Cue to me leaving her house tonight. As I walked out the door:

Me - "goodnight!"

Her - "Wait!"

Me - "Geez. You scared me. I thought I was stepping on something."

Her - "No, I just forgot to give you something. Oh no! The poor lizard! That would've been terrible!"

Me - " I know!! ... ... He would've never been able to achieve his Olympic dreams as a Gecko roman wrestler."

Her - "Go. Now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/triculous
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2015
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One from my wife.

We got a new car and I needed some info for the insurance company.

Me: What does the odometer read?

Her: Mostly miles, but it prefers the New Yorker for the comics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ooklamok
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2014
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Thought of a good one while at work today (slightly morbid depending on your outlook)

I work in the claims department at a life insurance company. A recent addition to our department mentioned that she had an insured who died from a bowel obstruction. I couldn't help but say: "Sounds like a real shitty way to go..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/three-eyed-crow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
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I tried to buy tornado insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.

They said, β€œIf your tents get blown over, you won’t be covered.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping

I wouldn't be covered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CecilBlight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
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I tried to buy some tornado insurance for my campsite, but the company refused.

They said, β€œIf your tents get blown away, you won’t be covered.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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