If you get into a car accident at Machu Picchu, call your insurer right away
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 28 2018
Why doesnβt Santa have to provide health insurance for his workers?
Theyβre technically Elf employed
π︎ 84
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︎ Dec 06 2020
I sat next to an insurance salesmen at the Robbie Williams gig last night.
And through it all, he offered me protection...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
What kind of health insurance do Halloween creatures have?
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 01 2020
I am trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but the companies keep denying my application.
They told me, βIf your tent gets blown away, you wonβt be covered.β
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 09 2020
Everyone in my peer group was using State Farm for insurance...
So I decided to go with the Flo.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jun 28 2020
I saw an insurance commercial with a gay couple in it.
Guess it was Progressive.
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 04 2020
What kind of insurance do candles companies get?
π︎ 8
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︎ Jun 26 2020
My son turned 27, so he's no longer covered by my health insurance.
In other words, his manufacturer's warranty is up.
π︎ 75
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︎ Apr 23 2020
When you're driving but can't see that well...
Pretty much the first dad joke I've ever seen that requires a video punchline.
https://i.imgur.com/pfZya7P.gifv
Originally posted to /r/IdiotsInCars/ by /u/My_Memes_Will_Cure_U
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
Earthquakes are rare in my area...
so I have no fault insurance.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
What kind of car insurance does a rat have?
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 24 2020
Getting good dental insurance...
...is like pulling teeth.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 20 2020
A girl on Tinder told me she wanted to be friends with benefits.
But I don't have health insurance or a retirement plan so I told her I couldn't.
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 07 2020
What do you call Batman insurance policies?
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 01 2020
Not a joke, but this just happened...
Took a really big dab (weed) and was coughing my brains out, which caused the following conversation between me and my wife:
Wife: "Are you going to make it?"
Me: "Nope.. Cough Hack ..You're gonna... cough ..be a... Hack hack ..widow!"
Wife: "Nooo, you can't die!"
Me: Hack "And I don't even.. cough ..have.. hack ...life insurance!" cough hack cough
Wife: "Wife Insurance?? What is that - If I break can you swap me out for a new one?? Do you mean a pre-nup??"
My body couldn't figure out what the fuck to do. Cough, Laugh, it even got confused and farted. Fucking hilarious.
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 21 2020
My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.
They said I have a pre existing condition.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 15 2020
New glasses are $144 after insurance.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 14 2020
Elon Muskβs car insurance must be astronomical!
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 08 2018
I guess I have a bad driving record because only 1 insurance company would take me as a customer.
I had to go with the Flo.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 07 2020
What kind of insurance does an i.t. guy have to sign up for?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 17 2020
My dad sells life insurance
And on his calendars he mails to his clients he put. β[His Name], your agent for lifeβ
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 19 2019
What is the best car insurance a snake can get?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 23 2019
Did you hear that lady in the Progressive Insurance ads has been dating a rapper?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 12 2019
Why did the orange refuse to get car insurance?
Because he already had... anti-accidents.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 12 2019
Me: that was the insurance company
Dad: whatβd they say?
Me: theyβll pay me for the tow
Dad: why do they want your big toe?
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 27 2019
Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.
They stole the sticker and left the car.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 20 2019
My nephew told me that he's never had vision insurance.
I told him he really should look into it.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 29 2019
I have to write a paper about insurance, and I need to use in-text citations.
So I think Iβll get a quote.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 14 2019
Kill Bill
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Sep 30 2019
On an article about a woman who sawed her hand off to claim insurance
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 13 2019
Where are our desssssks
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Apr 28 2019
If I got an ingrown toenail but my insurance didn't cover it...
Would I have to foot the bill?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 26 2019
If number 666 is evil,
then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Sep 04 2019
My local farmer's insurance had this outside their window.
π︎ 11
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︎ Oct 11 2018
A fishing boat recently capsized when the fish on one side of the net all swam down. Insurance refused to pay out.
They argued it was an act of cod.
π︎ 2
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︎ May 17 2019
I phone up the insurance company about my Delorean and they wanted Β£2,000.
Itβs ridiculous I only want to drive it from time to time.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 03 2019
After I bought my car I started feeling sick...
I guess you could say I got car-owner virus
π︎ 26
π
︎ Apr 21 2020
Love it
π︎ 120
π
︎ Nov 16 2018
I was trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but I was refused.
The company said, βIf your tent gets blown away, you wonβt be covered.β
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
I went to get tornado insurance for my camp site, but the bank refused.
They said, βIf your tent gets blown away, you wonβt be covered.β
π︎ 71
π
︎ Jan 29 2020
I tried to get insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.
They said, βIf your tent gets destroyed, you wonβt be covered.β
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Apr 19 2018
I was sat next to an insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams last night.
And through it all, he offered me protection!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 27 2019
I tried to buy tornado insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.
They said, βIf your tents get blown over, you wonβt be covered.β
π︎ 125
π
︎ Dec 24 2018
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping
π︎ 76
π
︎ Jul 03 2018
I tried to buy some tornado insurance for my campsite, but the company refused.
They said, βIf your tents get blown away, you wonβt be covered.β
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 23 2019
I tried to get some storm insurance for my campsite, but I was denied.
They said that if my tents get blown away, I wonβt be covered.
π︎ 46
π
︎ Feb 04 2019
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