If you get into a car accident at Machu Picchu, call your insurer right away

It's, uh, Peru dent

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2018
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Why doesn’t Santa have to provide health insurance for his workers?

They’re technically Elf employed

πŸ‘οΈŽ 78
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GrymmTravel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
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I sat next to an insurance salesmen at the Robbie Williams gig last night.

And through it all, he offered me protection...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the_houser
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2020
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What kind of health insurance do Halloween creatures have?

Medi-SCARE!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SideEyeandSigh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01 2020
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I am trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but the companies keep denying my application.

They told me, β€œIf your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2020
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Everyone in my peer group was using State Farm for insurance...

So I decided to go with the Flo.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2020
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I saw an insurance commercial with a gay couple in it.

Guess it was Progressive.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thiqq_bell_peppers
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 04 2020
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What kind of insurance do candles companies get?

Waxident insurance...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SillyTrain
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2020
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My son turned 27, so he's no longer covered by my health insurance.

In other words, his manufacturer's warranty is up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 76
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MookieV
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 23 2020
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When you're driving but can't see that well...

Pretty much the first dad joke I've ever seen that requires a video punchline.

https://i.imgur.com/pfZya7P.gifv

Originally posted to /r/IdiotsInCars/ by /u/My_Memes_Will_Cure_U

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/guriboysf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2021
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Earthquakes are rare in my area...

so I have no fault insurance.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jhuderis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2021
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What kind of car insurance does a rat have?

Road Dent Insurance .

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gawd_of_oh_Lawd
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2020
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Getting good dental insurance...

...is like pulling teeth.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jspittman
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2020
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A girl on Tinder told me she wanted to be friends with benefits.

But I don't have health insurance or a retirement plan so I told her I couldn't.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OmeletteAuFromage_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2020
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What do you call Batman insurance policies?

Dark Knight Returns

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/blackdragon8577
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2020
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Not a joke, but this just happened...

Took a really big dab (weed) and was coughing my brains out, which caused the following conversation between me and my wife:

Wife: "Are you going to make it?"

Me: "Nope.. Cough Hack ..You're gonna... cough ..be a... Hack hack ..widow!"

Wife: "Nooo, you can't die!"

Me: Hack "And I don't even.. cough ..have.. hack ...life insurance!" cough hack cough

Wife: "Wife Insurance?? What is that - If I break can you swap me out for a new one?? Do you mean a pre-nup??"

My body couldn't figure out what the fuck to do. Cough, Laugh, it even got confused and farted. Fucking hilarious.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AmbivalentAsshole
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21 2020
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My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.

They said I have a pre existing condition.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 15 2020
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New glasses are $144 after insurance.

That’s gross!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TwilightSolomon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 14 2020
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Elon Musk’s car insurance must be astronomical!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JingleCake
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2018
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I guess I have a bad driving record because only 1 insurance company would take me as a customer.

I had to go with the Flo.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2020
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What kind of insurance does an i.t. guy have to sign up for?

Malware practice.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/refward
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 17 2020
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What is the best car insurance a snake can get?

Fully cobrahensive. 🐍

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JonTheStarfish
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2019
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My dad sells life insurance

And on his calendars he mails to his clients he put. β€œ[His Name], your agent for life”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LaughingHyena12
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2019
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Did you hear that lady in the Progressive Insurance ads has been dating a rapper?

It's Flo Rida

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wuellig
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2019
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Why did the orange refuse to get car insurance?

Because he already had... anti-accidents.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/roastytoastywarm
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2019
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Me: that was the insurance company

Dad: what’d they say? Me: they’ll pay me for the tow Dad: why do they want your big toe?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheAbsentMinded1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 27 2019
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My nephew told me that he's never had vision insurance.

I told him he really should look into it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xerafoo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 29 2019
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Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.

They stole the sticker and left the car.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2019
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I have to write a paper about insurance, and I need to use in-text citations.

So I think I’ll get a quote.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/A-Bomb_Firocious
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2019
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Kill Bill
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shu-chi-senpai
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 30 2019
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On an article about a woman who sawed her hand off to claim insurance
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mmaxic
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 13 2019
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Where are our desssssks
πŸ‘οΈŽ 17k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HemperorSean
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2019
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If I got an ingrown toenail but my insurance didn't cover it...

Would I have to foot the bill?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2019
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If number 666 is evil,

then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TooCoolToSocialize
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2019
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My local farmer's insurance had this outside their window.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jbro00
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 11 2018
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A fishing boat recently capsized when the fish on one side of the net all swam down. Insurance refused to pay out.

They argued it was an act of cod.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LegsAJimbo
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 17 2019
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I phone up the insurance company about my Delorean and they wanted Β£2,000.

It’s ridiculous I only want to drive it from time to time.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dave11899
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2019
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Love it
πŸ‘οΈŽ 123
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chh147
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2018
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After I bought my car I started feeling sick...

I guess you could say I got car-owner virus

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bagle05
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2020
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I was trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but I was refused.

The company said, β€œIf your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 14 2020
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I went to get tornado insurance for my camp site, but the bank refused.

They said, β€œIf your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 65
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2020
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I tried to get insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.

They said, β€œIf your tent gets destroyed, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 19 2018
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I was sat next to an insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams last night.

And through it all, he offered me protection!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pmak13
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2019
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I tried to buy tornado insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.

They said, β€œIf your tents get blown over, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 125
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2018
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My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping

I wouldn't be covered.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 75
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CecilBlight
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2018
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I tried to buy some tornado insurance for my campsite, but the company refused.

They said, β€œIf your tents get blown away, you won’t be covered.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 23 2019
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I tried to get some storm insurance for my campsite, but I was denied.

They said that if my tents get blown away, I won’t be covered.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 43
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 04 2019
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