After the TV-show-taping we were instructed to leave our seat only when the Page called us...

I told him: "you're alright in my book!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/countgeorge
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20 2017
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I bought a roll on deodorant, the instructions said "remove cap and push up bottom"...

I walk kinda funny now but my farts smell great!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2021
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He followed the instructions word-for-word
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/loot98
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14 2020
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My dad gave me standing instructions to not scare him on halloween

Well, it is invalid as I was sitting.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/naiivekid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 05 2020
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I purchased a deodorant stick today. Instructions say, "remove cap and push up bottom."

I can hardly walk, but when I fart the room smells lovely. Credit: https://pun.me/pages/dad-jokes.php

πŸ‘οΈŽ 86
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BredSolid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 03 2020
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I've just bought a bottle of head lice treatment but there's no instructions on how to use it.

It's left me scratching my head to be honest.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 89
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2020
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I just bought a Monopoly set which has no instructions,

What are the chances?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2020
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My wife told me to flip off the thermostat before we left the house. I don’t think she appreciated how I followed her instructions.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 70
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Squachee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 16 2020
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What colour is an instruction to cry out in pain?

Yell "ow"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 23 2020
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Following instructions to make mayo

Teacher: -So, add sunflower oil and stir

Me: -Hmm, I didn't quite understand that. I guess I'll ketchup later!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Davis_Schina
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2020
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Trying to play the new official Rick Astley boardgame.

But the instructions just say β€˜You know the rules, and so do I”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 85
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the_houser
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2020
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My friend found he worked best when instructions were spoken aloud. Then he could perform them.

It was easier said then done.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2020
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My dairy farmer uncle died leaving written legal instruction for me to inherit a single gallon of cheese production byproduct. Makes sense, because...

Where there's a will, there's a whey.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DreadMoor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2019
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Did you know you cannot breath through the nose while you're smiling?

Haha, I made you smile.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/osman_uat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 08 2020
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Matthew McConaughey is a professor now!! When he gives his students research assignments he instructs them to . . .

All Write! All Write! All Write!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2019
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On the instructions of my ready meal it says "Rest for 5 minutes once cooked".

But I'm not tired at all.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2019
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Just following instructions
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zergreport
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2019
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Assembly instructions not included.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EquivalentCherry3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 30 2019
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I once got an origami set without instructions

I didn’t know what to make of it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/acuppakim
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2018
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What do you call the set of instructions that makes the internet work?

An AlGoreRithm

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ssulliv20
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 22 2019
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Even though Math is a median of instruction, teachers can be really mean. Sometimes they enjoy students going into range mode.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KenJethro43
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14 2019
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As a pharmacist who usually writes instruction labels for oral medications...

Most of what I say to patients is ingest.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cheweduproach
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2019
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A police officer stops a guy carrying a backpack on suspicion of terrorism.

The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack.

The guy obliges.

In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.

"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"

"But why?" the guy protests.

"You have been caught carrying weapons of math instruction!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SupremeChampionOfDi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2020
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I gave the art restoration people very simple instructions

If it ain't baroque, don't fix it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wawoodworth
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 14 2019
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A complete set of instructions for riding an escalator:

Step 1.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2018
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"Dad, how do you cast spells?"

"You just follow the instructions."

"Which instructions?"

"Yeah, they're the ones."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheLaffGaff
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2020
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Despite my excellent instructions, my student keeps sinking instead of swimming.

He must be too dense.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 04 2019
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My daughter is at a seminar learning to instruct physical conditioning programs to locomotive passengers

It's called train training training training.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/-jako
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2018
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I recently gave a lecture instructing people how to give directions by violently thrusting their arm towards the intended destination.

It was a PowerPoint presentation.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2018
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What’s Captain Picard’s first instruction to his employees, in anticipation of the Friday evening crowds at a Mexican restaurant that he supervises?

β€œMake queso, number one.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SabinCrusades
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2018
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My wife got an instruction during warm-ups from her at-home workout program to switch feet.

Me: I didn't realize you had more than one pair.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/StChas77
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2018
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I was making furniture with Braille instructions

It was really hands on work.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jfutchy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2018
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Christopher Nolan was giving his composer cooking instructions.

"Hans, simmer."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jon-Osterman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2017
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If you pick up a road traveler with an instruction manual for his Samsung phone...

...isn't that book the hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rock_fact
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2016
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I refuse to write instruction booklets at work.

I hate manual labor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nerdEE
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 13 2015
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Don’t try to tell jokes about IKEA

They’re impossible to put together if you don’t have the instructions.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CanadianTrainFan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2020
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What did the instructive dad say to help the little boy struggling learning how to tie his shoes?

Knot my problem.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Synisive
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2017
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I bought some dandruff treatment, but it did not come with instructions.

It left me scratching my head.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 29 2020
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I bought a new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom"

It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 25 2020
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I bought a new deodorant today. The instructions said to remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk but my farts smell lovely.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Trying to play the new official Rick Astley boardgame

But the instructions just say β€˜You know the rules, and so do I”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vwraider
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2020
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I was shopping for some deodorant this afternoon. I noticed the instructions said β€œremove cap and twist up bottom”

It hurts to walk now but my farts smell great!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FartRipper67
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 11 2018
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Got a new deodorant stick today. Instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom"

I can barely walk, but every time I fart the room smells great!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 71
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03 2018
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I'm never using stick deodorant again...

The instructions said " remove cap and push up bottom"

I can hardly walk.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 130
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Richo_HATS2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 05 2020
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I just bought a Monopoly set, but there aren't any instructions...

...I mean, what are the chances?!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2018
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What’s Captain Picard’s first instruction to his employees, in anticipation of the Friday evening crowds at a Mexican restaurant that he supervises?

β€œMake queso, number one.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SabinCrusades
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report

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