In response to informing my dad that there's going to be a sequel to Frozen.
"Will it be called Defrosted?"
Informing my parents I'm running a marathon
Me: I'm running a marathon!
Dad: You're not going very fast.
I asked fellow astronauts on ISS for some milk to put in my coffee but was informed I can't have any.
They said: "In space nobody can. Here, use cream"
How did Kim Kardashian inform her kid about her upcoming divorce with Kanye?
North, things between West and me has recently gone South.
Why can’t your orthodontist release any of your medical information?
That information is strictly confidental
A chameleon went to the doctor and said he was having trouble changing his colors. The doctor did some tests and called the chameleon. He informed the chameleon that unfortunately he was suffering from...
They say an informed racist is better than an uninformed racist. You know what's worse than an uninformed racist?
There are 2 types of people: 1) people who make inferences over low amounts of information
What do you call a well informed wolf ?
Now you just wait there a damn second friend.. a little birdie has just informed me that you are in fact a mime
Before Pterodactyls evolved, dinosaurs could only process information in Pgigadactyls
I’ve just been informed that a distant relative left me a very expensive watch in his will.
I hope it’s not a wind up
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no wifi and couldn’t find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
Can anyone inform me on who invented knock knock jokes ?
They deserve a no bell prize
What did the hardware store employee use to steal personal information?
I just failed my Information Technology class...
Did you know that a single sperm contains 37.5 MB of DNA information? Meaning that, during 3 seconds long ejaculation, more than 11,250 TERA bytes of information is transmitted.
That's alot of information to swallow.
My wife bought me a new shirt for my birthday!
Police officer informs a wife that her husbund has been found drowned in a vat of beer.
The wife said "was it murder"?
The officer said "no madam it was suicide"
The wife said how" can you tell"?
The police said -
"On the cctv your husbund climbed out of the vat 5 times for a pee!"
What's a pirates least favourite letter?
Dear Sir,
this is the federal prosecutor's office, informing you that you've been convicted and charged on seven counts of piracy.
What do you call a fear of giants?
Feefiphobia
Edit: wow! I never expected this to reach such great heights..... Thank you for the awards, kind redditors.
How does Chipotle' inform their customers that their order is ready?
Where did the father store all his information?
I want to share some information on cultivating herbs.
Where do DJs get their information?
Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.
Important information
Aruba - Cherry Pie $3.45
Bahamas - Apple Pie $2.75
Jamaica - Key Lime Pie $3.34
Saint Croix - Lemon Pie $4.21
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
I knew what apple juice tasted like before I even tried it.
I had in-cider information.
I’m reading a book on the history of glue....
I can’t seem to put it down.
What animal is the best at keeping your medical information confidential?
Informative product review
My wife just informed me that “terrible two” refers to a kids in a specific developmental stage
And all this time that’s how I always referred to my two kids at all times
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80s music!
Me: Yikes! What is The Cure?
Doctor: Oh my God. It is worse than I thought!
Blood and Organ related puns please
So a colleague is leaving my work (transfusion medicine lab) to work as an information manager for the organ transplant service. I make cards and I’m trying to think up something punny to write on/in his card and I’ll paint a picture on the front for context. I was thinking like “bloody good luck” or “sorry you’re transplanting”... but less shitty!
Thanks in advance :)
I regress to inform you...
I keep sending my information to the bank but they claim it’s too crooked to read.
They need to get their fax straight.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight. ;)
Hey MC Snow, your wife’s package has been delivered.
The media are now only using email to transfer information
They don’t care about fax anymore
A computer engineer came to my house. I said, "I can't get aroused by programs and other operating information on my machine."
He said, "Software?"
I said, "In my pants."
When discussing my history of eye inflammation at the optometrist, I was advised to look up information on conjunctivitis.com.
It's a site for sore eyes.
I've just been informed that my six year old son is not mine
and that I have to pay more attention when I pick him up from school.
I once tried to drive my Toyota Corolla with a stick shift on the Autobahn, but German authorities flagged me down and informed me that was illegal...
So I drove down the manualbahn instead.
How did Kim and Kanye inform their kid that they were divorcing?
Sorry North, things went South.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
