It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
Every morning, I like to stand in front of a mirror and think about all the good things I've done.
It's just a moment of reflection.
Why should you never change clothes in front of a Pokemon?
A girl fell in front of me and was very severely injured. She said "Call me an ambulance!"
I whispered in her ear "You're an ambulance"
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?” She smiled and answered...
I hate it when a couple start having an argument right in front of me.
They could have at least waited until I got dressed and left.
Jim Morrison was standing in front of the television as a child, blocking his father's view of the game.
His father shouted, "Jim! You make a better Door than a window!"
What did the baby say when he saw his food in front of him?
Purée!!!
(I literally just came up with this and am a new dad. Please be gentle)
Just lit my grill and I held a flaming stick in front of my sons face...
Son: STOP! It’s never funny to joke around with fire!
Me: (looks at the fire) Why did the chicken cross the road?
The wife and I were crying laughing while the son went inside and locked us out of the house. 😂😂😂
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
I can't remember the name of this African river in front of me.
I must be going see Nile.
I was cold and hungry, so I put my feet in front of the heater
I am trying to figure out whether that fuel tanker in front of me is full or not.
Your gas is as good as mine.
Person in front of me ordering coffee asked "can I have a large house?"
And I said "not without a large mortgage"
I would get into trouble as a kid, if I swore in front of an adult.
Now as an adult, I get into trouble for swearing in front of a kid.
If Emily gets depantsed in front of her friends...
She’s em-bare-assed on 2 levels
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
There is a couple, that always waits in front of orphanages before they open.
They're better known as the early adopters.
Every morning, I wake up to find someone has dumped a box of play doh in front of my door.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Written on the side of a hearse in front of a hair salon...
Will Curl Up And Dye For You
My son has a teacher who never farts in front of the class
What do impostors do In front of therapists?
A magician stood in front of a crowd and claimed that he could disappear. He counted, “Uno..dos..” and was suddenly gone.
He disappeared without a tres.
A wife came home and finds her husband sitting in front of a game of chess....
...with a raw egg propped up on the other side.
She asks: "What are you doing?"
He responds: "Well this pancake recipe says I need one beaten egg..."
"So... you decided to play it in a chess game?"
"Well yeah, but the darn egg keeps winning!"
What do you call a guy with one arm and one leg, who sits in front of your door?
A man who runs in front of a car gets tired,
a man who runs behind a car gets exhausted.
I needed to get some silverware for dinner and my wife was standing in front of the drawer. So I sang this to her:
🎶"Give me three forks,
Give me three forks sweetie,
Give me three forks from the drawer.
Give me three forks,
Give me three forks baby,
And I won't ask you for four." 🎵
Cutting in front of a Volkswagen on the highway
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
Every time I travel to a new city, I like to take a picture of myself in front of the tomes of books...
I just have to take shelfies!
Friday was roasting saturday and sunday brutally yet they never occurred a word. Wednesday, being a harmonist, asked them why they stayed mum for which they replied, "because we are weakened in front of you guys".
What do you call a person that takes a nap in front of a car?
I kept wondering why the ball was floating in front of me
So I saw a group of people crossing the street tonight carrying ski stuff the one guy in the front of the group was tasked with carrying the ski poles...
So I guess you can say that they put him in pole position
My son was sitting in front of a fan on a hot day...
I said "whatever blows your hair back"
Cow in front of my house was showing me real attitude
Running in front of a car will get you tired, but...
Running behind a car will get you exhausted
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
If you run in front of a car
You will get tired. And if you run behind a car, you will get exhausted
Don't Stand in front of a running car!
You'll get Tired!
Don't stand behind them either!
You'll get exhausted!
If you run in front of a car...
If you run in front of a car you get tired, if you run behind a car you get exhausted
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