Because there’s always room for improvement.
Multi-level marketing
Stagnation
The noise was unbearable.
Me grammar sucks and i is imaginary.
Adding new fixtures to the doors in my house has really helped me get a handle on things
I guess I'm an ogre achiever.
I said that it had its highs and its Lowes
She responded “you know, I slave away all day in this kitchen..”
So I cut in: “and you still can’t seem to get it right.”
On the plus side, it’s way roomier than I would have expected in this doghouse.
Bf and I were doing some re- plastering in the house yesterday. All the spatula work was really starting to hurt my wrist.
Me: "Damn, honey. My wrist really hurts from all this work."
Him: "Would you say you need some wrist training?"
Me: "Hmmmm...yeah I guess that would help..."
Him: "Then you need a wrist training order"
groans
The prices floored me.
Just found this subreddit and, being a dad, I figured I needed to share some material...
I'm checking out at the home improvement store, my wife standing next to me as the bubble-headed cashier rings me up. She gets to a bag of six inch galvanized spikes that I was buying for an outdoor project. Trying to look up the price in her book, our ditzy cashier holds one up and says, "Is this nine inches?" I smile and turn to my wife saying, "Her boyfriend must love her. He's got her convinced that that's nice inches..."
At that point my wife slapped me saying, "You're disgusting!" and our little airhead just stood there and had no idea why.
two customers who know each other begin with the usual greeting (hi, how are you?)
Man1: So what are you here for?
Man2: Coming to get some blinds (similar to window curtains)
Man1: Blinds? Why don't you just cover you eyes?
Man1 then proceeds to cover his eyes whilst having a very hearty chuckle.
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
...but I stand corrected
So this is just a “quality shit post”
I can't believe it's not better.
Son: "It's holding up."
He rattles these off as I read r/dadjokes to him
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
Anyone know if he meant human or animals ?
UNEEDCHEF
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
But booze will double your vision
....but it stops your biscuit from getting soft..
With better arrow dynamics.
Yes, and?
The older I get the more I like it.
Now it’s in-bee-leavable!!!
But then I turned around
Didn’t really improve my Chinese food
• you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.
• you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure you’ll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.
• you change your car’s oil exactly every 2,000 miles.
• mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.
• you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.
• your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.
He said it was a major improvement to his C# skills, it also augmented his C+ code.
Tenfold
From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.
But her aim is starting to improve.
It was Nguyen improved.
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
Rob Boss.
It was a soundboard
I'm a steak-holder.
Because there's an AC in DC.
(Someone improve this joke.)
Forgot where I left it.....
To improve their web-sight
My wife and daughter are working on improving the meringue cookie recipe they are using.
I asked if the batter was better and my wife said yes.
So I asked if it had enough sugar or if it was a bitter better batter.
The look on her face was priceless!
I reminded her that she knew my sense of humor before she married me and went through with it anyway.
logarithmically
Vitamin see!
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
