I would like a set of containers for my kitchen. I would like to store my baking soda, borax, milk of magnesia, drain cleaner, and ammonia. Most importantly, they need to have very secure lids.
I like to keep all my bases covered.
My wife has been cold to me lately, so I figured a hobby might make her more receptive to my advances. I figured why not stamp collecting? Well, I learned an important lesson...
Philately will get you nowhere
Chairman Mao must be an important guy
My cat won't stop talking about him.
Why is it important for a chicken coup to only have 2 doors?
Because otherwise it would be a chicken sedan.
Important questions being asked
What is the most important part of a Daylight Saving Time bill?
My wife and I had this weird argument as to which vowel is the most important.
It's important never to cut funding for gritters.
Once you lose one it's a slippery slope.
The most important thing to me is my alarm clock
It’s what gets me out of bed in the morning
When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing
But it's what's inside that counts
The trees around the house are starting to bud. I said to my wife, "Honey, do you know what happens when the trees leaf out?"
A look of hopeful curiosity washed over her as she fell into my trap. "No, what?"
"Very SHADY things."
It must've reminded her that she had something else to do that was very important.
If you order a bust be made before you do anything important, let’s be honest.
You’re just getting a head of yourself.
The word "liner" is so important
that it's under "lined" in the dictionary.
Forgiveness is the most important part of a well balanced breakfast.
There was a debate suggesting the environment isn’t that important after all.
It was pretty anti-climatic
The most important question before choosing your future wife ...
What do you call a tax on imported cow manure?
I never knew making socially awkward comments was such an important part of playing golf...
But I always hearing the commentators saying "He needs to make this faux pas"
These are very important lab-reports
What’s the most important part of a joke timing?
But that’s not important right now
Character spacing is important, for example: ...
...writing: "I have a music album". 🎶
...versus: "I have a musical bum". 🎺
What do you call an important message to the staff of a building materials company?
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
Dad jokes are important
They are a big part of pop culture
In these dark times, it’s important we all continue to make puns.
You know, to make light of the situation the worlds in right now.
I use Ironman sounds in my phones event calander for important stuff.
I think it’s so important to keep speeches short and meaningful, I just stand up and say plethora
I’d like to highlight the important part of my argument
Gravity is a very important part of our existence. What happens when you remove it?
It's important to lose closely at lawn signs during election campaigns....
Last time I cast my vote for a real estate agent.
Whats the most important thing to be when living in Asgard with a corrupt police force?
Natural numbers fail to understand the importance of decimal numbers.
They always miss the point.
I can understand why the invention of the wheel is looked upon as one of the most important achievements of mankind
It was a very pivotal moment
Dad told me the three most important unwritten rules in life.
What do you call an imported clown car?
Its important to keep some candy in your pocket at all times.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather
I just had an half hour argument with my 5 year old about the importance of wearing pants in public, and she won.
So today I’m wearing pants to take her to school.
I'm leaving r/dadjokes...
Hi, leaving r/dadjokes, I'm dad.
I work at a store that sells imported prosthetic limbs.
I never though I'd grow up to be an international arms dealer.
Important information
Aruba - Cherry Pie $3.45
Bahamas - Apple Pie $2.75
Jamaica - Key Lime Pie $3.34
Saint Croix - Lemon Pie $4.21
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
My wife and I had this huge argument as to which vowel is the most important.
My brother and I had an argument as to which is the most important vowel.
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