So many obstacles to overcome just to have gotten where they've gotten. It's a slippery slope but they always seem to manage their way back up to the top. Seasoned professionals!
In the gym today, guy is having to get his lock cut off because he lost his key. Joke around with guy for a bit because i have done the same.
As he is walking away....
Him: "you have a good day man"
Me: "you too, better lock next time"
I hear him groan, look to the guy next to me with a dumbass smile on my face and he rolled his eyes. Hahaha
My wife got something in her eye and grabbed the first towel she could find which happened to be my shower towel. She says
"Great I'm probably rubbing my eyes right where you had your balls"
Me: "yup, now you have eye balls"
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Last month, a guy in Cincinnati stole a salt truck and led police on a 30 minute chase. (true story) At one point he tried to dump the load of salt on a police car. I told my teenage daughter this and she looked at me with a straight face and said “I guess they’re going to arrest him for assaulting an officer.” 😁
Never been prouder of my daughter. 😎
My wife and I were doing a bit of roleplay in the bedroom. I had just handcuffed her to the bedhead when we heard one of the kids turning the door handle. I quickly threw the covers over the both of us and in walked my 7 year old son. He noticed the handcuffs, went really quiet and had this confused look on his face. After 15 seconds or so he asked my wife why she was handcuffed to the bed. She blushed and had to come up with a lie on the spot. She stammered out that daddy was just practicing with the handcuffs for his new job as a policeman and that my son should just go back into the lounge room and watch some TV.
A few weeks later I was asked to careers day at my son's school. My son stood up with me in front of the class and proudly announced his daddy was a policeman and that I lock up baddies. I didn't want to embarass him so I just played along. It turns out I was the one who was about to be embarassed. One of the kids asked if my son had ever seen me at work. My son said no but that he had seen me practicing using handcuffs on his mom. It went right over the kids heads but the teacher was very amused and couldn't stop giggling. I guess my wife and I would have been the hot topic in the staff room that day.
My son and I were driving home from his baseball practice when we see a car with a vinyl wrap. All digital camo. I point it out and said “that’s a nice car huh?” And he replies “what car? All I see are wheels.” It took me a second to realize what he said. So I looked over to him he had the biggest smirk on his face. I almost teared up.
We got our daughter a craft table for her 11th Birthday this past weekend. She also got the sewing machine too.
With gratitude, she smiles and says with a wink, “That is sew cool”.
this salad pun.
I was walking the other day with my son when he noticed a bee. I told him to leave it alone, to which he replied, "I'll be careful. Get it?! BEE!"
I was beginning to lose hope that he wasn't ever going to understand or appreciate puns! He's in the club now!
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
I just had two paws for a moment
Is that a Murphyn?
That's a product I can stand behind!
Because there could be a salad dressing.
He picked out a Butterfinger from his bag, held it up, and said “Kit-Kats are good but these are butter.”
The moment of tooth
My almost 8 year told me today that he wanted a pet bee so he could name him beeba fett and I have never been so proud.
It becomes tearable
The wolves may be predators but he pray
He was baffled.
Like playing charades!
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
They are cutting edge technology.
The therapist looks up from his paperwork, looks at the man, and says, "I'm busy at the moment, so I'll deal with you later."
It becomes cough-y.
-My 11 year son a few moments after I had coffee go down the wrong pipe and had a bit of a coughing fit.
proud dad noises
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
It's just a draft at the moment.
“On the buzzzzz.” So proud.
..It's an oxidant waiting to happen.
Woof ones
5 year old daughters joke, so proud :)
“I’ve tea’d myself!”
Proud hubby here!
Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"
Proud dad moment!
My 6 year old son just told his sister "You butter move out of the way" while helping his mother in the kitchen. He was so proud of his joke he ran across the house to tell me.
It was a tense moment.
It's only a draught at the moment.
It is furnished.
It's just a moment of reflection.
