Why is the time period from 476 - 800 ad known as Dark Ages?
Because it was the time of knights.
A quote from my dad: “so you’re going to the doctors... but that’s actually the perfect time to go to the dentist... 2:30.... because tooth hurty *poses* dad jokes!”
Word for word what he said because he just said it a moment ago
It took me a long time to recover from my broken neck
but afterwards, I never looked back.
What can you catch from a vampire in the winter time?
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis (edited, thanks kind friends for the correction!)
Crows are very intelligent birds, they even go out for drinks from time to time.
An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.
This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, ‘The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.
A boy leaned over to steal a kiss from his girl, but she was leaning over to steal a kiss at the same time.
They both made out like bandits.
Every time I buy a dozen bees from the bee keeper , he’ll give me 13
He sure does enjoy giving freebees
I'm a time traveler, just arrived from 1990
It took me thirty years to get here.
Original joke time! The apples I had to remove the peals from all appeared in twos, matched for use together.
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."
"She became a little spore addict."
From sunrise to sunset, I couldn't remember the name for a 24 hour time period. I finally did.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer one time
Idk what he laced them with, I was tripping all day!
An homage to a one-time teen star suspended from the Muppet*Vision ceiling, Disney World
A postal worker was recently fired from his part time job at the zoo.
He refused to address the elephant in the room.
My son was making breakfast for the first time and he distraughtly asked me, "How do you stop the sausages from curling in the pan?!" I smiled and advised…
"Well son, just take away their little brooms."
Long time dad first time poster in need of some help from my fellow dad's in here. What is Snoop Dogg fishing for?
Fishizzle!
Here is what i need help with. I seen a some fishing gear with the name "fishizzle" and lighting struck! Has anyone heard this one before? Did I just make a OC dad joke? If so Is it "dad joke" worthy? I really hope so becuase I just sent this to my daughter.
Thanks in advance.
I'm looking to sell my Delorean. Good shape, low mileage... Only driven from time to time
Time to switch from Scott Paper to Scott ...
Joplin, and collect some Maple Leaf Rag from the back yard.
Brought it in for an oil change, says he only drives it from time to time.
If I had a Delorean, I would probably only drive it from time to time.
I was in a cab one time and got curious. I asked the cabbie if he liked his job. He said, “Oh sure. I’m out of the house, away from my nagging wife and I don’t have anyone telling me what to do.”
I told him, “Turn right at the next corner.”
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from my high school keep flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I moved far away from my parents, but every year around this time I make the trip back because my mom makes this delicious sauce for dinner...
You could say I'm home for the hollandaise.
I'm writing a musical about a redneck from Tulsa who discovers feminism for the first time.
I'm calling it Wokelahoma!
What is Edward Benedict's, Humpty Dumpty's cousin from New York, favorite time of year?
From the 2020 SAT, geometry section: A farmer is welding parts in his barn. He wants to cut four bars of equal length from two lengths of iron rebar measuring 16 feet, 8 inches and 5 feet, 10 inches. How much material will be discarded? Bonus: where will the rebar, once welded, go for a good time?
One time I noticed a lizard stealing a meal from a very hungry frog
And I thought to myself, "What a cold blooded thing to do!"
TIL: In ancient times, a group of Native Americans tried to cross into Russia from Alaska, but failed.
They just couldn’t get their Bering Strait.
The guy I asked for directions from wasted no time helping me.
He was straight to the point.
Why am I banned from owning a truck and a donkey at the same time?
My friend was fired from his lumberjack job after failing to cut down a tree 8 times...
He had exceeded the maximum number of loggin' attempts.
A nun might put a towel on her head from time to time.
But she wouldn't make a habit of it.
Walking away from clocks is my favorite way to pass the time
A friend and I went to Mcdonalds. They have these new digital machines you order from. I had my friend order a mc-chicken at the counter at the same time I ordered an egg McMuffin at the machine.
I wanted to see what came first, the chicken or the egg.
Every time dad comes home from the doctor:
They x-rayed my head but found nothing.
I’ve got a rare sight disorder from watching Mary Poppins too many times... it called umdiddleyumdiddleyumdiddley eye.
A long time ago you could make decent money from the copper mines...
Now if you had one you'd be making pennies.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: Wow! Didn't expect this big reaction!
Thanks for the silver!
Edit 2: And gold!? Thanks again! :)
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.
If I had a delorean, I'd only drive it from time to time.
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