I House Puns

A look of hopeful curiosity washed over her as she fell into my trap. "No, what?"

"Very SHADY things."

It must've reminded her that she had something else to do that was very important.

"Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you."

It was shelf defense.

When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.

When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.

I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!

Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!

Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!

That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. “This technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. “Can you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”

“Yeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,“but it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained “When these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” “Treating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.

Knock knock

“It’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.

“There are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” “That future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.

She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. “Don’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.

Knock knock

“Now let that sink in!”

I have a eerie feeling about it.

I told her decepticons. She laughed. I laughed. The toaster laughed. I shot the toaster.

He won't let me touch anything.

But my arms aren’t strong enough

I told her no. I didn't want her clothes to get wet.

Of course I can! Houses can’t jump

That way, I always make a grand entrance.

If they do a good job I'll be floored.

...he’s really a big lyre.

Every time I ask her to leave she just says “namaste.”

I told him kindergarten

I went back to the fuchsia

"Stairs don't talk!"

All the crows were just sitting in my tree...

Were these people born in a Barnes and Noble or something?

"How do you know they were sad if they were wearing balaclavas?" I asked.

The results were shocking

Auntie climb attic.

My wife says it will look too boring, but I think it will be egg siding.

and one of the furniture was very nice to me. It turned out to be hospitable.

I won $20

My goodness, I wonder who with.

I said, “Oi, what’s your game?”

It's a hostal takeover.

That’s inflation for you!

no matter what he's still arson

He's actually pretty good! He made a great job of the landing.

Well, children, this is a one-story house.

That was a trip down memory lane.

I didn't like my attitude and I got caught drinking on the job.

It was a Shih Tzu

but now, I'm homeless.

Kids: Not again Grandpa, we've heard that story a million times! Don't you have any others to tell us?!

Grandpa: This is a one-story house.

Credit: https://inkyrickshaw.com/comic/not-very-tall-tale/

I live in a flat

They stole all my lamps.

Let that sink in.

Because it was a kidnap

I'm convinced it's a mix up from when I moved branches.

Now I'm stuck with a bunch of cross-aunts

Now I’m homeless.