I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it's on the house.
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
How much does a chimney cost?
“Hey, how much wood have you chopped so far?”
“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
I'm getting bored of hearing these Olympic athletes say .. 'how much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made.'
What do they want a medal?
Pirate gets his ears pierced. How much did it cost.
My mother is much smaller than me. I'm not sure how tall she is...
...But I know she's the minimum height.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge".
When I saw how much she tipped me...
I was in McDonald's and I ask the worker how much for a big mac and fries
She said she didn't know, so I said roughly.
So in a deep voice she said "I DON'T KNOOOOW"
How much memory does it take to store a joke ?
I told my local garbage man how much I appreciate him.
I said I would be a mess without him.
How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Stark’s parents?
As a woman who worked for the church this past year, guess how much sex I had?
How much does Santa’s sleigh cost?
Nothing ... it’s on the house.
(Ho Ho Ho)
I’m writing a song about how much I love seesaws.
It’s called 50 Ways to Love your Lever.
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs...
How much time is in one communist day?
My neighbour asked me “Hey, how much wood did you chop today?”
I said, “Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
How much do dumplings weigh?
How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh ?
How much do cars like parking space?
How much did the soup weigh?
How much fun is doing laundry?
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
There's a new show on BBC where heroin junkies can determine via experts, how much money they've shot up over the years.
It's called,Cash in the Addict.
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck?
If a wood chuck could Chuck Norris
Gandhi's Mum: How much do you Love me
Gandhi: From the bottom of Mahatma
I try and keep track of how much toffee I consume.
How much do I care about the environment?
Even the bags under my eyes are reusable.
People often ask me how I can play golf so much and still be so bad at it
How can you tell how much a reptile weighs?
How much does Jack from the Tim Burton movie weigh?
How much does a nursing home weigh?
How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union?
I don't know how much money an assassin makes...
but I bet they make a killing!
How much did HYDRA's upgrades cost Bucky?
An arm and a leg. Luckily, he talked them down to half price.
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing. It’s on the house!
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it’s on the house
How much does it cost for Santa to park his sleigh
Nothing! It’s on the house!
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it’s on the house!
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it’s on the house.
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing. It’s on the house.
I went into a church and asked the minister how much it would cost to rent a church singing group.
He asked, "do you mean a choir?"
I said, "OK, fine, then how much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and said, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?
nothing, its on the house
How much does a roof cost?
Nothing, it's on the house
How much do dumplings weigh?
How much does a chimney cost
Nothing. It's on the house
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