The highlight of my day
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nicknack605
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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What is a highlighter's favorite Twister position?

Knee on yellow.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheelay_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.

The Warden said "he's a little condescending"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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I’d like to highlight the important part of my argument
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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found in r/memes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedLeader11037
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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we are certainly in a pickle
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValilolHD
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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This has to be the highlight of my day
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_guy_named_rick
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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Im going to start collecting highlighters

Mark my words!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font.

Now that is bold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Highlighter pens are the future.

Mark my words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/engineerwho_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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I had to highlight this gem from r/Skyrim
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Queen_OwO
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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This light in the bathroom at my office has been out for a year. Today it was finally replaced. One might say it was the β€œhighlight” of my day
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mojoson24
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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If Stoners could emit light, would that make them a Highlight?

My First Pun here, please dont make me explain it, it just kills the Joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KAAAAAAAAARL
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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Highlighter
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSameSon23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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Single-use highlighters are rather unremarkable.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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My 8yr old nephew got his first "grownup" email address....

My sister wanted to make sure he is checking his emails and being responsible....so I send him daily jokes. Not sure if this link works, but if this cool kiddo burrito finds this someday...your emails back are the highlight of my days. http://imgur.com/a/llxi1lO

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinyfistofjustice
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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Highlights of 2018
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcowburn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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Want to see the highlight of my day?
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
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The highlighting is meant for those who don't appreciate puns I'm sure, I saw it right away
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingBubIII
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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I strongly believe that Highlighters will be the only thing used in the future.

Mark my words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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Just used some stolen hair dye...

Guess you could say I’m now...

Illegally Blonde

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipzapzappy
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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My son said he coloured himself with a highlighter pen from the neck upwards during work today.

I think it's a bold-faced lie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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I watched a video showing the highlights of cattle doing ballet, two things I love.

It was the best of bull twirls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jollyben
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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My friend is obsessed with taking blurry pictures of himself while taking a shower.

He has serious selfie steam issues.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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Hey guys! Just wanted to show you the highlight of my day! imgur.com/RUdsmLD
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quickdraw_eddie
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2016
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This has been the highlight of my day. (X-post from /r/funny)
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JamaicanPineapple
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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I spent most of yesterday evening watching Cricket highlights

My eyes are a bit sore now but I’ve always been fascinated by pitch illuminations

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mbiggs92
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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I’m convinced that highlighters are the pens of the future.

Mark my words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
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Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.

That was the highlight of my day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisonMike1111
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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The Highlight of my Grand Fathers day is

Walking into a room and remembering why he's there !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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Coworker: Why do you have highlighter on your shirt?

Me: So you know which part is important.

(Actually happened today and didn’t realize it was a dad joke until she mentioned it. Darn I’m old.)

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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I will find and punish whoever stole my highlighter.

Mark my words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GRWeston
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
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I went and got some of my hair dyed blonde.

It was the highlight of my day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunn_with_this
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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Every time my wife gets her hair coloured at the hairdresser’s, she records it on her phone.

I think she watches the highlights later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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Some highlights from our family trip last weekend

Oldest son (at a restaurant): do they accept dogs here? Me: no, it's cash or card

Waitress (bringing our after dinner drinks): I have three ports. Me: it was supposed to be two ports and a starboard

Youngest son (while we were driving): look, a cow... nevermind, it's gone Me: yes, we mooooved on...

Me: those plants around the redwoods are ferns Oldest son: they grow really close to the trees Me: yeah, they're really frondly...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2017
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This was the highlight of my day
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BruceTarquin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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My dad cracked this one when he couldn't find his highlighter.

I guess it's a byelighter now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/happymogambo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
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I saw my wife using her phone to record her getting a haircut.

I think she’s planning to watch the highlights later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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When does a joke become a dad?

When the punch line becomes apparent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drummechanic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2014
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I've legitimately practiced for this one. I'm so glad I was prepared when it happened.

I'm a teacher, and due to recent storms we've had a few short-lived blackouts.

Today in class the electricity was being fixed by the company and they had to shut the lights off for a few minutes.

Secretary (comes in the room): were there any problems with the lights off?

Me (I've got this, I'm ready!): No, we were delighted.

The secretary left, paused outside and then came back in with the worst glare possible. Yes!!!

Thank you guys, I was prepared.

Edit: Front page!!! Awesome! This is the highlight of my day! Keep your puns coming, I love them all (and I'm secretly practicing them for the proper opportunity).

Thank you so much /user/x9x9x9x9x9 for the gold! It made everything that much better.

Keep your puns coming you guys (especially teachers!).

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sal6a
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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I helped this lady turn on a lamp she couldn't reach...

It was the highlight of my day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J3fbr0nd0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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I won a unique item at the Celebrity Origami charity auction.

The auction's goal was to raise money for Tourette syndrome research by selling origami figures made by famous celebrities. To highlight the purpose of the auction, the organization in charge asked all participating celebs to write a replacement of a naughty four-letter word most closely associated with the disorder.

For example, George Clooney's origami penguin said Fudge instead of the F-word.

Margot Robbie's paper flower said Beach instead of the B-word.

I bid on the origami made by Dwayne Johnson.

The Rock's paper scissors said Shoot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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priding this one because it actually happened to me today and I just birthed this dad joke about 5 minutes ago.

After months of wanting a Purple highlighter for my desk, I finally found one.

It was the highlight of my day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonicDooscar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Told a dad joke while meeting my girlfriend's family

So it was my first time meeting my girlfriend's family and it was a holiday so I had assumed it would go like how it is in the movies, the guy being constantly criticized by the girl's family and told he's not good enough but I must have lucked out as they absolutely loved me, after we had the traditional thanksgiving meal at around 4, her family and I went to the porch to drink and joke around. On the way out to the porch, buzzed me thought it would be hilarious to take someone's ukelele with me and hide it on the porch, I promised myself that before the day is over, I'd use that ukelele as a joke piece and get everyone to love me even more. So the evening is going great, everyone's drunk, laughing, telling funny family stories when all of a sudden, I stand up, get everyone's attention and I grab the ukelele, picked it up and said

"I like to play a little guitar"

The hysterical, drunken laughs of everyone on the porch was the highlight of the best Thanksgiving I've ever had.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blacksplosiveness
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2015
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Got my desk-mate today...

We moved desks on Monday and today I found a working highlighter which the previous occupant had left under mine. My colleague groaned when I told him it was 'the highlight of my day'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeldaFan812
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
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Missed the World Hairdressing Championships on TV last night....

Anyone know if there's a highlight program?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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What'd you call a marker that smokes weed?

A highlighter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blep_bloop
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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I just made my secretary audibly groan.

She came into my office with a box of highlighters for me and as a dad, I felt compelled to say "thanks, this will be the highlight of my day"

She sighed, groaned, and left, questioning her life choice to work here. :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToonaTheCat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2017
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My wife always records her haircut on her phone when she goes to the hairdressers.

I think she watches the highlights later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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