Knee on yellow.
Mark my words!
Mark my words.
I think it's a bold-faced lie.
Mark my words.
Mark my words.
Me: So you know which part is important.
(Actually happened today and didn’t realize it was a dad joke until she mentioned it. Darn I’m old.)
I guess it's a byelighter now.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
Now that is bold.
That way year will surely have some highlights.
My First Pun here, please dont make me explain it, it just kills the Joke
My sister wanted to make sure he is checking his emails and being responsible....so I send him daily jokes. Not sure if this link works, but if this cool kiddo burrito finds this someday...your emails back are the highlight of my days. http://imgur.com/a/llxi1lO
It was the best of bull twirls.
He has serious selfie steam issues.
Guess you could say I’m now...
Illegally Blonde
My eyes are a bit sore now but I’ve always been fascinated by pitch illuminations
Walking into a room and remembering why he's there !
That was the highlight of my day.
It was the highlight of my day.
I think she watches the highlights later.
Oldest son (at a restaurant): do they accept dogs here? Me: no, it's cash or card
Waitress (bringing our after dinner drinks): I have three ports. Me: it was supposed to be two ports and a starboard
Youngest son (while we were driving): look, a cow... nevermind, it's gone Me: yes, we mooooved on...
Me: those plants around the redwoods are ferns Oldest son: they grow really close to the trees Me: yeah, they're really frondly...
After months of wanting a Purple highlighter for my desk, I finally found one.
It was the highlight of my day.
We moved desks on Monday and today I found a working highlighter which the previous occupant had left under mine. My colleague groaned when I told him it was 'the highlight of my day'.
I think she’s planning to watch the highlights later.
A highlighter
She came into my office with a box of highlighters for me and as a dad, I felt compelled to say "thanks, this will be the highlight of my day"
She sighed, groaned, and left, questioning her life choice to work here. :(
When the punch line becomes apparent.
I'm a teacher, and due to recent storms we've had a few short-lived blackouts.
Today in class the electricity was being fixed by the company and they had to shut the lights off for a few minutes.
Secretary (comes in the room): were there any problems with the lights off?
Me (I've got this, I'm ready!): No, we were delighted.
The secretary left, paused outside and then came back in with the worst glare possible. Yes!!!
Thank you guys, I was prepared.
Edit: Front page!!! Awesome! This is the highlight of my day! Keep your puns coming, I love them all (and I'm secretly practicing them for the proper opportunity).
Thank you so much /user/x9x9x9x9x9 for the gold! It made everything that much better.
Keep your puns coming you guys (especially teachers!).
Each time we drive by the beauty school I attempt a dad joke. Here are some of my favorites.
I wonder how often they use highlighters in their coursework.
Do you think they have extension courses?
Students are dying to get out of there.
Does every teacher allow makeup work?
You know, they're doing the opposite of filing for unemployment.
I wonder how often they change the locks in there?
Do you think cutting class is a requirement?
Does each student have a permanent record?
Do my puns make you want to curl up and dye?
It was the highlight of my day
The auction's goal was to raise money for Tourette syndrome research by selling origami figures made by famous celebrities. To highlight the purpose of the auction, the organization in charge asked all participating celebs to write a replacement of a naughty four-letter word most closely associated with the disorder.
For example, George Clooney's origami penguin said Fudge instead of the F-word.
Margot Robbie's paper flower said Beach instead of the B-word.
I bid on the origami made by Dwayne Johnson.
The Rock's paper scissors said Shoot.
I think she watches the highlights later.
