My First Pun here, please dont make me explain it, it just kills the Joke
It was the best of bull twirls.
My eyes are a bit sore now but Iβve always been fascinated by pitch illuminations
Walking into a room and remembering why he's there !
Oldest son (at a restaurant): do they accept dogs here? Me: no, it's cash or card
Waitress (bringing our after dinner drinks): I have three ports. Me: it was supposed to be two ports and a starboard
Youngest son (while we were driving): look, a cow... nevermind, it's gone Me: yes, we mooooved on...
Me: those plants around the redwoods are ferns Oldest son: they grow really close to the trees Me: yeah, they're really frondly...
Knee on yellow.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
Mark my words!
Now that is bold.
Mark my words.
That way year will surely have some highlights.
My sister wanted to make sure he is checking his emails and being responsible....so I send him daily jokes. Not sure if this link works, but if this cool kiddo burrito finds this someday...your emails back are the highlight of my days. http://imgur.com/a/llxi1lO
Mark my words.
I think it's a bold-faced lie.
He has serious selfie steam issues.
Guess you could say Iβm now...
Illegally Blonde
Mark my words.
Me: So you know which part is important.
(Actually happened today and didnβt realize it was a dad joke until she mentioned it. Darn Iβm old.)
That was the highlight of my day.
Mark my words.
I think she watches the highlights later.
It was the highlight of my day.
I guess it's a byelighter now.
I think sheβs planning to watch the highlights later.
When the punch line becomes apparent.
I'm a teacher, and due to recent storms we've had a few short-lived blackouts.
Today in class the electricity was being fixed by the company and they had to shut the lights off for a few minutes.
Secretary (comes in the room): were there any problems with the lights off?
Me (I've got this, I'm ready!): No, we were delighted.
The secretary left, paused outside and then came back in with the worst glare possible. Yes!!!
Thank you guys, I was prepared.
Edit: Front page!!! Awesome! This is the highlight of my day! Keep your puns coming, I love them all (and I'm secretly practicing them for the proper opportunity).
Thank you so much /user/x9x9x9x9x9 for the gold! It made everything that much better.
Keep your puns coming you guys (especially teachers!).
It was the highlight of my day
The auction's goal was to raise money for Tourette syndrome research by selling origami figures made by famous celebrities. To highlight the purpose of the auction, the organization in charge asked all participating celebs to write a replacement of a naughty four-letter word most closely associated with the disorder.
For example, George Clooney's origami penguin said Fudge instead of the F-word.
Margot Robbie's paper flower said Beach instead of the B-word.
I bid on the origami made by Dwayne Johnson.
The Rock's paper scissors said Shoot.
So it was my first time meeting my girlfriend's family and it was a holiday so I had assumed it would go like how it is in the movies, the guy being constantly criticized by the girl's family and told he's not good enough but I must have lucked out as they absolutely loved me, after we had the traditional thanksgiving meal at around 4, her family and I went to the porch to drink and joke around. On the way out to the porch, buzzed me thought it would be hilarious to take someone's ukelele with me and hide it on the porch, I promised myself that before the day is over, I'd use that ukelele as a joke piece and get everyone to love me even more. So the evening is going great, everyone's drunk, laughing, telling funny family stories when all of a sudden, I stand up, get everyone's attention and I grab the ukelele, picked it up and said
"I like to play a little guitar"
The hysterical, drunken laughs of everyone on the porch was the highlight of the best Thanksgiving I've ever had.
After months of wanting a Purple highlighter for my desk, I finally found one.
It was the highlight of my day.
We moved desks on Monday and today I found a working highlighter which the previous occupant had left under mine. My colleague groaned when I told him it was 'the highlight of my day'.
Anyone know if there's a highlight program?
A highlighter
I think she watches the highlights later.
