I heard some drug addict wanted to kill himself by injecting heroin but failed to do so.

Guess it was in vein.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/good_taters
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My son just told me he has a heroin addiction.

Needles to say, I'm very disappointed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spongelli_Bobelli
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a heroin addicted mackerel?

A smack-erel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippinflappyfart
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Some people are addicted to crack and heroin. I was addicted to soap.

I’m clean now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guess-what-babe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a friend who is obsessed with the Scarlett Witch, Captain Marvel, and Black Widow.

I guess you can say he's a heroine addict.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drogers5606
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I really like books with female protagonists.

It’s almost like I’m addicted to heroine.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chillycheesedawg
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad is obsessed with Wonder Woman, Catwoman and the Black Widow.

I think he's a heroine addict.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the duck sent to rehab?

Because he was addicted to quack

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the female superhero now addicted to drugs.

She's a Heroine addicted to Heroin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad when doctors are putting in an IV

(I have a fear of needles) So when I was at the hospital for a surgery, and they were trying to get the IV in the top of my wrist, I was squirming and freaking out.

Dad: At least he won't be a heroin addict!

Nurse: -___-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trunks09
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
🚨︎ report
My friend is really into Joan of Arc memorabilia.

I’m beginning to worry he might be a heroine addict.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Help! I can’t stop collecting Wonder Woman action figures!

I’m a heroine addict.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report

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