What do you call a smart drug abuser?

An oxymoron!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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Two domestic abusers, very similar features...

A striking resemblance.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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I have a book for alcoholics and drug abusers

Adictionary

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pndaberrybruh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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Police arrest albacore abusers...

All part of the tuna-lick fringe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
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My high school bully still takes my lunch money.

But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!

πŸ‘︎ 294
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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An abusement park
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MazuBazu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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Today I learned my son hates r/DadJokes. He's been spat on, punched, and verbally abused for his own opinion...

I don't even want to imagine what'll happen when he leaves the house.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuckDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Why was the drummer arrested for emoji abuse?

He kept hitting the cymbals

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πŸ‘€︎ u/errsta
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Why couldn’t the Egyptian get out of her abusive relationship?

She was still in de-Nile.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HiRedditHiReddit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Ever hear the one about the domestically abusive dwarf and his tall wife?

It's a knee slapper

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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My grandma is 80% Irish.

People call her Iris.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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What do you call a person who disses abusive words

Dis-cuss

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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Step on it.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Garrufes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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3 domesticated Rams are in the kitchen, labelled A, B & C

If you put a pumpkin on ram A, nothing happens. If you put a pumpkin on ram B you get the same result.

But if you put a pumpkin on Ram C it starts knocking things off counters, making a mess and abusing the kitchen staff.

I guess that is what happens when you put a gourd on ram c in the kitchen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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People who abuse steroids have ill-gotten gains
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Max_Is_Homo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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Where can you look up the definitions of drug abuse, alcoholism, and problem gambling?

Addictionary!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KillerFlea
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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People that do a lot of crunches go through a lot of abuse.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/surgicalfunnel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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It shall commence on 4/20
πŸ‘︎ 36k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justlooking250
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
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Abusive Flashlight

Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? He was charged with battery

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poopystink16
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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That's right
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eduarcool
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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i went to rehab for abusing soap

i just wanted to get clean

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/isthisaxbox
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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My 7yo just pulled an UNO reverse dad joke on me.

Homework time.. complaining, I don’t wanna, etc.

Me: Nicky, I’m getting upset.

Nicky: Well, hello, Getting Upset, I’m Nicky.

Then he dabbed and walked away. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this.

πŸ‘︎ 778
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AirCatcher
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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It was about rape so the pun is better. Original post https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/bq2qvn/peta_parent_freaks_out_at_my_animal_abusing_ways/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFluDisease
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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A man was found abusing words

He got a sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/toxic_dude22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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Why don't they send alcoholics to jail for substance abuse?

Too many bars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Winged
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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So I heard Michael Jackson was accused of child abuse

I guess you could say those kids where hit by a smooth criminal.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBoyMuguff
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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After many abuses, the horse finally rebelled after a lack of food.

It was the last straw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I had an abusive father growing up who was a professional wrestler

It wasn't that bad though, because he never really hit us.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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Sit-ups and crunches are classic forms of abuse
πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CNYguy82
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2016
🚨︎ report
I gave my friend a jar of cashews but the cashews abused him, beat him up and ran away.

He should have known, it was a nut case.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/apugoneappu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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TIL: A thousand years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s chief export.

And import.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do abusive parents wear?

"Beats me..."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zanman28
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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I must have 10 New Order records but I only ever seem to play one of them.

I have a serious Substance abuse problem

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πŸ‘€︎ u/John_Badman_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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I've been champaigning against alcohol abuse.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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When my wife sings i like to stand outside so it doesn't sound like i am abusing her
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Kebab_Cuz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What does an abusive butcher do to get off?

He beats his meat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoodieninja86
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Kelsey Grammer hosted documentary about abuse in male and female prisons?

It’s titled β€œTossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FightPigs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I made some abused chicken.

It's been battered.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/masterofshadows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a storage room that abuses drugs?

Attic-ded

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manly-potato
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad jokes.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSocialSwagger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2017
🚨︎ report

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