Har har
π︎ 22
π
︎ Nov 17 2019
Hardee har har
π︎ 162
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︎ Mar 17 2014
Someone stole the harnesses at the canine facility last night...
π︎ 66
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︎ Nov 24 2020
What do you call a laughing motorbike?
π︎ 28
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︎ Apr 02 2021
What do you call a funny motorcycle
π︎ 56
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︎ Jan 29 2021
How do you get out of a conversation with the Easter Bunny?
Well. You donβt want to egg him on; heβs a real basket case. Hop out of there.
π︎ 11
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Phil is to blame for this one, nothing to do with me.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
I told a joke to a Japanese guy earlier about Sodium and Nickel...
He didn't get it though, so he just said "NaNi?!"
π︎ 6k
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︎ Apr 03 2020
My horse has insomnia and keeps everyone awake
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jun 29 2020
Everyone laughed when they saw the way my barber styled me...
But I liked my new hardehardo.
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 06 2020
For me, the urge to sing βThe Lion Sleeps Tonightβ is always just a whim away...
...a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jun 02 2020
I met with my friend who said he developed a weapon to harness the wind and propel it like a bullet. We took turns firing at a target he had in his yard...
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 14 2019
Man seen stealing police car wheels.
The police are working tirelessly to catch him.
π︎ 51
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︎ Oct 04 2020
What do you call a Deer with no eyes???
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 17 2020
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.
He finishes his drink and asks for his check.
Duck billed platypus.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Oct 10 2019
A Medium Rare Pun
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 17 2021
Wanna hear a joke about procrastination?
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 23 2020
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD BE A FOOT!
π︎ 136
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︎ May 28 2020
My friend is obsessed with taking blurry pictures of himself while taking a shower.
He has serious selfie steam issues.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Feb 07 2019
What kind of fire leaves a room damp?
π︎ 6k
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︎ Mar 13 2019
Why couldn't the musher get his new puppy's harness on?
He was just a little husky.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 30 2017
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow Iβm returning this piece of junk to Ikea.
π︎ 6k
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︎ Nov 14 2018
His days are numbered.
π︎ 3k
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︎ Nov 09 2018
A furniture store keeps calling me...
All I wanted was one night stand.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Nov 19 2018
There is a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA.
The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.
π︎ 6k
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︎ Jul 03 2018
You can't plant flowers
π︎ 11
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︎ May 13 2020
The shadow Bachs
π︎ 23
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︎ Aug 19 2019
I hate people with no digits on their feet
I am lack-toes intolerant
π︎ 28
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︎ Mar 07 2020
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
π︎ 465
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︎ Oct 27 2018
In a field there are 30 wolves and 28 chickens. How many didnβt?
10 wolves didnβt.
(Please tell me you guys got it)
π︎ 662
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︎ Jul 04 2018
I couldnβt decide how much lettuce to buy, but my wife helped me think through it.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
π︎ 211
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︎ Oct 24 2018
My wife told me the kid almost burned the house down
Now iβm really scared of arson
π︎ 145
π
︎ Mar 08 2019
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de brie
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Apr 15 2017
I meant to buy bananas at the store today...
But they totally slipped my mind.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 12 2019
Why do Seagulls fly over the Sea?
Because if the flew over the bay they'd be Bagels
π︎ 76
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︎ May 26 2019
My friend the comedian normally gets lots of applause after his act, but the last time it was nothing but boos...
He must have been having a bad har day.
π︎ 5
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︎ May 02 2020
I don't often tell Dad jokes
But when I do, he usually laughs
π︎ 42
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︎ Mar 24 2019
If Frozen Water is Iced Water than what is Frozen ink?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 17 2019
If you have a 6:30 appointment, you can always be late by a couple of minutes.
Because 6:32 is 6:30 too.
π︎ 882
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︎ Feb 04 2018
Well son, if you don't want that girl to ghost you...
You should probably give her a boo-quet of flowers.
π︎ 16
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︎ Oct 23 2019
βHey, dad, did you get a haircut?β
βNo, I got them all cut.β
π︎ 16
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︎ Jun 08 2019
So... A woman got the first ever wooden breast implants yesterday
it would of been funny if this joke had a punchline wooden tit
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Feb 12 2015
Let me summarize 2018 in four words for you:
Two thousand and eighteen.
π︎ 70
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︎ Dec 10 2018
My friend is getting a new car - a "tangerine" ford focus. Dad drops this one...
Tangerine focus... Isn't that the same as orange concentrate?
π︎ 4k
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︎ Sep 16 2013
Koi fish will always travel in groups of four.
Because while A Koi, B Koi and C Koi will get away,the predators will always go for the D Koi.
π︎ 157
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︎ May 08 2018
Today, I asked this grandpa if he found everything okay when ringing up his groceries
He said, "No, I wasn't looking for everything."
π︎ 1k
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︎ Mar 05 2016
Tried to Dadjoke my four year old, got outsmarted.
This morning my son was about to put on his socks.
I: -wait, are there holes in your socks?
Son: -Yes, of course! Or else i wouldn't be able to get my fot into them. *holds up socks for me to see while extending hole at the top with fingers.
Me: -Hmrp... *sectretly feeling proud.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Aug 19 2014
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