You wooden have guessed it, but this platypus is very knotty.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ja-visst
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2019
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Just because you guessed that I have a nickel and a penny in my pocket ...

... doesn't mean you have some sixth cents.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mr_snipeypants
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2018
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Guess they should read the bio next time
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Littlegrayhair
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2020
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Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...

...an ether/oar situation...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2020
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Guess the Pun
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PunPics
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09 2021
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I guess you can see he has a lot of horsepower
πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
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Guess who I saw today...

Everyone I looked at.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 87
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/0cora86
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 12 2021
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They just don’t taste right!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gacha_gurlOwO
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 27 2020
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I like the name Frodo,

It really has a ring to it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 203
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fullmiz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 16 2021
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I'm a real big fan of cars. I guess you could say I am..

A MotΓΆrhead.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BestWest45
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2021
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What’s a 4 letter for a woman ending with β€œunt”?

Aunt

πŸ‘οΈŽ 235
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CaymanRich
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2020
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I stole my girlfriend’s wheelchair, guess who came crawling back.

I hope the people who saw this have a wonderful day!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/N0Tharrold
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2021
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Guess the pun behind my wreath this year
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/whoreads2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14 2020
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If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/not_snk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
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Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner

Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.

Sisters kids: Who? WHO?

Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!

cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other

Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad Me: I'm a faux pas

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AusSpyder
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 05 2021
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I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...

Is this a trick question?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 16 2021
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I guess a phillips went through phillip youtu.be/Pej1i6p9zLM
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chettheman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2020
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I just went to get my glasses fixed and you’ll never guess who I ran into when I was there!

That’s right!

.... Everyone.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 147
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kayden_Pauser
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01 2020
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i guess the crowd wasn't orderly orderly orderly though
πŸ‘οΈŽ 73
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ggeerrtt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2020
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I guess the lion spotted a cheater
πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LittleHumle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2020
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Oh damn guess I get to keep my tip
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Castille_92
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 05 2020
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Why do women have a difficult time working for the postal service?

It’s mail-dominated.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SecondRateHack
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 06 2021
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guess what my dad won’t let me put on my car?

dammit, I’m not even allowed to mark this post as a spoiler

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/biodelt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 06 2021
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As a woman who worked for the church this past year, guess how much sex I had?

Nun!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Miss_Aia
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2021
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My New Year’s Resolution this year is to stop second guessing everything.

Wait, is that even a good enough resolution? Idk

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/salvedavus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2021
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I guess it's time to answer the call of Nature..πŸ’©
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/unrealhumour
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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There's a rumour going around about two waves racing to the beach. Can you guess which one won?

They Tide!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ISimbaI
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2020
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Hey guess what!

I’ll be seeing y’all next year

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/narvsuni
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
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From my niece: What's the chicken's favorite place to get coffee?

Starbawks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/abfinz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 08 2021
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed...

Everybody

πŸ‘οΈŽ 63
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/typpo_06
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2020
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Not to brag, but I have this weird talent in guessing what is inside a wrapped present.

It’s a gift.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 75
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2020
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2018: Β« Yo, dude, get woke. Β» 2019: Β« C'me on, get woke, it's 2019 ! Β» 2020: Β«... Hi. Well you could get e-woke I guess. Β»
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mortelys
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2020
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor!

>!Everybody!<

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keratoconusgroup
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
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You do realise that Vampires aren't real...

Unless you Count Dracula.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
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Guess where I keep all the lollipops?

In the licker cabinet.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2020
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We have a joke calendar and we missed this week, my wife was having me guess the answers and we ended up accidentally creating this gem: what do you call a cow that was just born?

A mooborn!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Singular1st
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2020
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Guys I guess October is...

Octover

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2020
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What is a caterpillar's worst enemy?

A dogerpillar.

This was a joke from my first book of jokes I received on my 8th birthday. I felt it was appropriate on my cake day.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 56
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RobertJSh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2020
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I've started a new band called "Blanket'

We're a cover band

πŸ‘οΈŽ 989
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/itsaveryshittyname
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 30 2020
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Why won’t triangles go on dates with circles?

They’re pointless.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Calm_Fan_381
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01 2020
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I guess you could say cats was the cat-alyst
πŸ‘οΈŽ 51
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Soccerchamp2100
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15 2020
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I guess I’m going to France

Because I have nothing Toulouse.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/discofox57
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2020
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My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.

He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Karma-Effect
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2020
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Oman! You’re about to read some terrible stuff.

β€œI live in Spain without the β€˜s’”.

This inspired me to come up with some truly terrible country-related jokes.

It’s about to Bahrain jokes without the β€œBah”.

  1. I have a double China without the β€œa”.

  2. Some people have told me that I look a lot like a German without the β€œan”.

  3. Oman, I think that one conspiracy about Israel Israel.

  4. You all probably want to hit me with Japan without the β€œJ”.

  5. You probably can’t Kuwait to stop reading these without the β€œKu”.

  6. Nowadays, car companies are focusing on making electric cars, but I Madagascar.

  7. As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t even have one Nepal without the β€œNe”.

All of these bad jokes made me Hungary so Iran to the nearest shop to get some food. Why am I always India-r need of food?

I sincerely apologise, fellow people. These jokes probably left a painful Denmark on your souls without the β€œDen”, of course.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/anipanreads
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Guess what?

Chicken butt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Guess who I saw today

Everyone I looked at

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/I_Only_Have_One_Hand
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed?

Everybody

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TakenByKangAndKodos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2020
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